


Touch

by AmberBrown



Series: Earning Their Keep [31]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fuck Or Die, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-14 13:02:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17509100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberBrown/pseuds/AmberBrown
Summary: ‘You monsieur, d’Artagnan will be doing me a great service and your lover will be giving you the impetus when you, no doubt, do not wish to render that service.’‘Let him go then,’ said d’Artagnan.Aramis looked towards his lover, wishing he could see him. The man knew they were lovers which implied the man had some kind of connection with them or someone who they had had dealings with in the past.‘No. He is necessary to ensure you do as you are asked,’ continued the man, ‘if you do as you are asked he will be released when we are finished.’There was a pause of a few seconds before d’Artagnan spoke again. Aramis wondered what had happened?‘What do you want me to do?’





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not read the other stories in the series all you need to know is that Aramis and d’Artagnan are in an established relationship. Other stories are mentioned but you don’t need to have read them. 
> 
> This starts off dark and horrible but does have a light at the end of the tunnel.

Whoever had them knew what they were doing. As he had been pushed into the wall one of the men had whispered in his ear. The man had told him if he let them take him d’Artagnan would not be hurt. Aramis had stilled his struggle, he was not in a good position to fight anyway. He cursed himself for allowing himself to drop his guard. He should have been more alert, but then so should d’Artagnan have been.

He had been blindfolded and gagged, his wrists tied firmly behind his back. He had been bundled into a carriage and driven away. He knew d’Artagnan had received the same treatment and probably the same warning. Playing them off against each other, an easy ploy that generally worked. But both men were alert now and would be waiting for an opportunity to fight back once they were sure the other was either ready to fight as well or would not be put in danger. 

A gun was pressed into his neck as the carriage stopped. He was pulled out roughly and forced to walk. The stone underfoot changed to floorboards as he guessed they entered a building. Their steps causing echoes to sound out around them. A large room or an empty house, Aramis worked out. 

He was steadied by the man holding his arm and guided down some stone steps. He could hear other footsteps around him. He was pushed against a wall, the gun pressed more firmly to his head, one of the men stepped close to him again. Another warning. He nodded at the instruction to not resist them. The rope tying his wrists was removed, hands on him for a second holding his arms at his sides, Aramis understood and did not move from the position he had been put in. He felt hands undoing his doublet pushing it off his arms and taken away. The hands pulled his shirt loose. 

The feeling of being stripped caused a wave of fear to course through him, his breathing quickened but he did not resist the man. He could not risk harm coming to d’Artagnan. He had no idea where d’Artagnan was. Was his lover receiving the same treatment?

His shirt was pulled loose and pulled over his head leaving him topless. Aramis wondered if they would strip him completely? A clink of metal and the feel of manacles encircling his wrists caused him to pull back slightly. The firm hands held him for a second until he stopped resisting. Once his wrists were locked in the manacles he was aware of the men stepping away from him. He stood waiting, unable to do anything else.

‘I would like to thank you Messieurs.’

Aramis turned his head towards the sound of the aristocratic voice. The man was stood a few yards from him, his voice sounded calm as he spoke.

‘Thank us for what?’ asked d’Artagnan who sounded agitated. 

Aramis was both pleased and worried. Pleased that his lover was still with him, but equally worried what this man wanted with them both. He wondered why d’Artagnan was not gagged?

‘For the help you are about to render me. You Monsieur d’Artagnan will be doing me a great service and your lover there will be giving you the impetus when you, no doubt, do not wish to render that service.’

‘Let him go then,’ said d’Artagnan.

Aramis looked towards his lover, wishing he could see him. The man knew they were lovers which implied the man had some kind of connection with them or someone who they had had dealings with in the past.

‘No. He is necessary to ensure you do as you are asked,’ continued the man, ‘if you do as you are asked he will be released when we are finished.’

There was a pause of a few seconds before d’Artagnan spoke again. Aramis wondered what had happened?

‘What do you want me to do?’

‘Good lad,’ said the man, Aramis could tell the man was smiling as he spoke. ‘I have an urge that needs to be sated. You enjoy the company of other men, that is your urge and you sate it with each other.’

The man paused for a moment before he chuckled. 

‘You are wondering how I know about you both? I have been watching you for a while, I know you are very discreet, no one would know. I have a friend who had dealings with you a couple of weeks ago.’

Aramis remembered the horrible incident the man was referring to. D’Artagnan disappearing and left tied up in an old stable with only the false knowledge that Aramis and Constance were being killed as retribution for something he had done. The men who had taken d’Artagnan had cruelly left him with nothing but terrified thoughts of what was happening to his lovers. Those men had known about their relationship after carefully observing them for some time. They must have passed that knowledge on to the man who now had them both.

‘Now,’ continued the man, ‘my urge is different to yours, but I am in need of men of your inclination to help me. I want you to hurt me. I find that having pain inflicted upon me is most enjoyable. Self-flagellation can only sate my need to a certain extent. What I want - what you will provide me - is pain delivered by your hand.’

Aramis could well imagine d’Artagnan’s reaction to the proposal. What the man wanted was strange. The man must have been insane, and yet he seemed capable and clearly had money. Aramis had heard of people with strange urges before but, as far as he knew, had never met any. 

‘I see you are finding my request difficult to accept,’ the man said, ‘let me explain to you the rules. It is very simple. I will ask you to do something that will inflict pain upon myself. If you do not do as I ask that same pain will be inflicted on your lover. But he will receive twice as much attention, so his pain will be worse.’

D’Artagnan did not respond. Aramis knew his lover would accept the terms. 

‘When you have helped me to sate my urge you will both be released.’

‘You could let him go now?’ suggested d’Artagnan. ‘I’ll do as you ask if you let him go.’

Aramis heard footsteps approaching him, he was grabbed and forced to his knees. The barrel of a gun was pressed against his chest, a firm hand on his shoulder keeping him still. Aramis did not resist the man, he knew it was futile and he did not want the man to shoot him accidentally.

‘Alright,’ d’Artagnan said with urgency. ‘I’ll do as you ask.’

The man holding him stepped away. Aramis remained on his knees, unsure if he could stand up at that moment. 

‘Good, I knew you would see sense,’ said the man. ‘I will return shortly and we will begin. I don’t think I will keep you more than a day or two.’

Aramis could hear the movement of several people before the clang of a metal door and the sound of a key in a lock. The footsteps receded further before another door was closed and they were left in silence. 

A movement to his left and hands on him made him flinch away slightly. 

‘Sorry,’ said d’Artagnan as he pulled off the blindfold and began to undo the gag.

Aramis looked at his lover who did not make eye contact with him as he worked. D’Artagnan looked unharmed other than a lingering look of shock on his face. As the gag was pulled away Aramis coughed a couple of times. D’Artagnan stepped away, towards the barred door, picking up a waterskin which had been left hanging from a hook by the door. Aramis watched as he pulled the stopper and sniffed its contents.

‘I doubt he would poison us,’ said Aramis, ‘it would not be in his interest.’

D’Artagnan managed a smile before taking a swig of the water, he paused for a moment as if waiting for any poison to have an effect before passing the skin to Aramis. 

As he reached for the skin he realised the manacles were attached to chains that were keeping him restrained by the wall. He took a few sips of the water as he looked around their prison. The stone walls were clean, the barred door looked well maintained and the manacles and chains he wore were new. 

‘There were two men with guns,’ said d’Artagnan. ‘They kept them on you the whole time…’

His lover trailed off. Aramis reached out his hand toward him, stopped by the length of the chain. D’Artagnan stepped towards Aramis allowing him to pull him close and down to the floor where the restrained man was still knelt, they settled together, leaning against the stone wall. Aramis could feel the cold stone rubbing at his back. He noted that d’Artagnan had only been divested of his doublet. He guessed having him half-undressed left him more vulnerable and therefore d’Artagnan would be more inclined to protect him. 

‘I know there was nothing you could do...and there is nothing you can do I’m sure,’ said Aramis. ‘This man is clearly insane. But I think if you do what he wants he will let us go.’

D’Artagnan looked sceptical.

‘I think,’ continued Aramis, ‘that he probably gets sexually aroused by having pain inflicted on him. And perhaps if that pain is inflicted by someone who does not really want to hurt him, it is more...exciting for him.’

‘Why us?’

‘I don’t know,’ replied Aramis, ‘perhaps he just wanted to use someone he knew could not talk. When he lets us go he needs to know we won’t talk. We could get him arrested for what he is forcing people to do. But questions would be asked and we would end up implicating ourselves. It’s a clever ploy really.’

D’Artagnan sighed, ‘I don’t like it.’

Aramis could not help a huff of laughter, ‘I think that is the idea. He wants you to be reticent. He wants you to find the idea of willingly hurting another man to be abhorrent to you. That’s part of what arouses him. Do as he asks.’

D’Artagnan nodded slowly. Aramis knew it would be difficult for his lover, but also knew that d’Artagnan would do what he had to in order to protect him. Aramis felt sad that d’Artagnan would be put through the ordeal to prevent harm coming to him. 

MMMM

They had sat in silence for a few minutes before d’Artagnan pushed himself up to stand. Aramis watched his troubled lover as he started a methodical inspection of their prison. The room was of a reasonable size, it had probably been a wine cellar, but the racks had been removed leaving the room bare. There was a long narrow window along the top of the wall Aramis was chained to, opposite the door. The window was too narrow for either of them to have escaped by, but it provided light for the room, reflected off the pale coloured stone. 

The manacles and chains were the only adornments to the room. Aramis wondered if the man had used a similar method before to help him to sate his appetite. Perhaps they were not the first men to have been forced into the same predicament. 

D’Artagnan looked around when they heard the outer door being opened. Aramis watched his lover tense up, he wished there was something he could do, but he was being used to manipulate d’Artagnan by the man. Had the man thought about which of them he would have as the restrained captive and which to use to inflict pain? Aramis knew that had their positions been reversed he would not have hesitated to do all he had to if it meant protecting his lover. Perhaps the man had realised that they were equal and it did not matter which of them played which part in his deranged fantasy.

Aramis looked at d’Artagnan as the younger man turned towards him and took a deep breath. 

‘Just do what you have to,’ said Aramis quietly.

D’Artagnan nodded once before turning back to the barred door.

Three men had appeared. It did not take much to work out which of the three was the aristocratic man. He was stood between two thuggish looking men who would be able to hold their own in any brawl. The two thugs were armed with guns, daggers and mean expressions. 

But the man, the instigator of the proceedings, he was handsome, his clean-shaven face elegant. He had piercing blue eyes which Aramis guessed were perfect for getting his own way. The man wore a richly embroidered deep blue cloak, Aramis did not think the man was wearing anything underneath the cloak.

The man stopped at the barred door, he smiled at Aramis who just looked back at him. Aramis did not bother to stand up, the chains would have allowed him to stand but he would not have been able to raise his arms. 

The man pushed a key into the lock on the door as the two thugs aimed their guns through the bars. One man aimed at d’Artagnan, keeping him away from the door. D’Artagnan backed off and stood next to Aramis in a protective stance. 

‘You have found yourself a selfless man, monsieur,’ said the man glancing at Aramis. ‘Monsieur d’Artagnan here clearly wants to keep you safe.’

Aramis did not respond, he continued to watch the man carefully as he entered the cell. As he stepped into the cell the two thugs followed him, one moved to stand closer to Aramis, his weapon aimed in his direction. The other, slightly shorter, but with a bigger build, moved to cover d’Artagnan with his gun. 

The aristocratic man held up a lash for both the captives to see. It was the type used by men of God to self-flagellate. The thin leather straps dangled down moving freely as the man spoke and gesticulated with the lash.

‘I need you to flog me, young man,’ said their captor with a smile. ‘Do not hold back. I want you to flog me until I tell you to stop.’

He held out the lash to d’Artagnan who reached out slowly and took it. Aramis watched his lover weighing up the torturous device in his hand. He looked at it with trepidation. The man had turned from them and was undoing his cloak. He swung it off his shoulders and tossed it to the ground. As Aramis had suspected the man was naked. His body was toned and lithe, he looked fit. But his skin was marred with many scars. He had obviously used the lash on himself many times, his back was covered in marks. Aramis guessed that the man’s back was scarred more than his own after his unfortunate encounters with being lashed.

The man stepped towards the wall and placed his hands on the stone leaning forward slightly. His feet planted firmly, he took a couple of deep breaths. 

‘Now, flog me.’

D’Artagnan remained where he was looking between the man and the lash in his hand. Aramis could see d’Artagnan’s hand shaking slightly.

‘Do it!’ commanded the man.

But d’Artagnan did not move.

‘Gerard,’ said the man without moving. 

The thug in front of Aramis reached for his waist and pulled a second lash free of his belt. The man stepped towards Aramis who could do nothing to prevent the attack, he lowered his head and raised his hands above himself defensively.

Gerard brought the lash down on Aramis four times. Each stroke left him feeling as though he had been stung as the knots in the leather straps hit him across his arms and shoulders. Aramis was aware of d’Artagnan yelling for Gerard to stop.

‘Alright, I’ll do it,’ shouted d’Artagnan, who had taken a couple of steps towards Gerard only to be forced back by the gun of the other thug.

The man, who had not moved from his position by the wall spoke quietly.

‘I told you if you did not do as I asked your lover would pay the price. Perhaps you did not believe me?’

There was a pause, no one spoke. The only sound was Aramis’ quick breathing as he tried to calm himself after the brief assault, he looked up at d’Artagnan and nodded that he was alright. D’Artagnan looked back contritely before turning to the man. He stepped forward and raised the lash.

D’Artagnan swung the lash toward the man who stood his ground as the tendrils hit his back and side. The man gasped, taking a quick breath.

‘Again. Keep going.’

Aramis watched his lover raise the lash again, bringing it down across the man’s back a second time. This time he did not pause, he pulled his arm back quickly for a third strike.

The man, his shoulders quivering, had lowered his head as the lashing continued. He cried out a couple of times causing d’Artagnan to pause for a couple of seconds, only to resume his work when Gerard moved towards Aramis again. 

The two thugs were watching the proceedings curiously. Aramis wondered if the men hired were new? Was the new audience part of what excited the rich man? 

The man had moved forward slightly as his flogging continued, he was leaning his face on his forearms which were crossed in front of him against the wall. After two more strikes, the man raised his arm. D’Artagnan saw that as a signal to stop. The man slowly pushed himself away from the wall, taking several deep breaths as he did so. He turned to face the room. Aramis noticed that the naked man was aroused. His face had a serene look about it, as though he had found an inner peace using the pain. 

D’Artagnan was stood still, the lash held limply in his hand, his hand which was shaking. Aramis noticed tears in the Musketeers eyes. The man looked at d’Artagnan and smiled. 

‘Very good. A shame you made me hurt your lover, but otherwise very good. Next time, you won’t hesitate. You will do better next time.’

The man reached out for the lash, d’Artagnan handed it to him. 

The thug that had been watching d’Artagnan picked up the man’s cloak and backed out of the room. Gerard paused as the aristocratic man walked out, before backing out, his gun still raised, pointing at the two captives.

‘I will leave you for a few hours.’

The man smiled at d’Artagnan before walking away confidently. His back now covered in cuts and welts where the lash had marked him, the odd trickle of blood snaking its way across the injuries. 

Gerard locked the barred door before following his master and the other thug. D’Artagnan remained standing in the centre of the room staring at the barred door until they heard the outer door close. Aramis watched his lover, waiting for him to speak, but d’Artagnan, who was still shaking and did not move. 

‘You did what you had to,’ said Aramis quietly.

D’Artagnan finally turned to him and moved to kneel in front of him, reaching out and lifting Aramis’ left arm gently to inspect the damage the lash has left on him.

‘It’s nothing,’ said Aramis, by way of reassurance. ‘Believe me, I’ve had worse.’

Aramis tried to smile, but his lover's sad expression stopped him.

‘I’m sorry,’ said d’Artagnan.

‘It’s alright.’

Aramis pulled his lover towards him and held him tightly for a few seconds. D’Artagnan pushed away and turned to sit on the floor next to Aramis, he stared off into the distance for a few seconds. 

‘He’s mad, isn’t he? Insane?’

‘There is something wrong with him,’ replied Aramis, ‘but he is obviously rich and educated. And I suspect very clever. He is not like the poor creatures you see at the asylum. His is a very different kind of madness.’

Aramis shivered. He had not realised he was cold. The recent activities had distracted him. D’Artagnan noticed and moved to put his arm around him. Aramis did not stop him.

‘He knows what we are,’ mused d’Artagnan, ‘we don’t need to hide it.’

Aramis nodded as he leaned into the warmth of his lover.


	2. Chapter 2

Aramis remained where he was. He realised that d’Artagnan had slipped into an uneasy sleep. He suspected that even though it was d’Artagnan holding him rather than the other way around his lover felt comforted. Perhaps he felt as though he were protecting Aramis by holding him closely. Aramis hoped that whatever the rich man wanted to do next would be the end of their ordeal. He was sure the man would let them go when he was finished with them. 

What they would do afterwards was a question they would both need to think about. The thought of the rich man going on to torment more people worried him. Aramis wondered if others had been harmed when they had hesitated? Had the man been responsible for killing anyone?

Aramis decided that, provided d’Artagnan agreed, they would talk to Treville and seek to find the man and deal with him. Of course, he would have to be dealt with in such a way that there could be no reprisals for d’Artagnan and him. Aramis would not compromise their own safety in order to seek retribution. 

D’Artagnan shifted slightly and mumbled in his sleep. Aramis rubbed the back of his lover's hand where it clung to him. He hoped d’Artagnan would not be too deeply affected by what he was being forced to do. Inflicting pain was part of everyday life for a soldier, but not in circumstances like those they were in. What his lover was being forced to do was unnatural and unkind. 

His lover snapped to full alertness as the outer door was again opened. They looked across to the door of the cell. D’Artagnan pushed himself up to stand, helping Aramis up as well. They watched as the rich man appeared, he was dressed in breeches this time. He turned away from them briefly to issue an instruction. Aramis could see that the injuries on his back had been cleaned and in places, a balm seemed to have been used on the worst of the wounds. 

The man pulled the key from his pocket and opened the door before standing back and allowing one of the thugs to enter the room, his gun pointed at them as they stood in the corner. The thug was followed by two more equally brutish looking men. The men were carrying a burning brazier, they both wore thick gloves in order to manoeuvre the hot metal. The brazier was placed just inside the door. Aramis could not take his eyes off the two pokers that protruded from the fire.

His mind immediately conjured up images of his torture at the hands of the Chatelet interrogators months before. They had burnt him in order to get him to talk. He remembered the smell of his own burning flesh and the screams he did not try to hold back as the pain flooded his whole body.

D’Artagnan sensed Aramis’ discomfort. He slipped his arm around Aramis’ shoulders and spoke quietly.

‘I won’t hesitate.’

It was all Aramis could ask of his lover.

One of the men who had brought the brazier in pulled off his heavy woollen gloves, handing one to d’Artagnan and one to the short thug who had followed the brazier carriers. The short thug pulled one of the pokers out of the flames and moved to stand near Aramis and d’Artagnan.

‘I think it’s obvious monsieur,’ said the rich man with a nod towards the brazier.

D’Artagnan let Aramis go and stepped towards the fire pulling the glove on as he did so. He reached out and grasped the poker firmly, pulling it slowly from the fire. He waited for instructions looking at the white hot metal.

The man was taking deep breaths. Long drawn out breaths, Aramis wondered if he was mentally preparing himself for the pain that was about to be inflicted on him. After a few seconds, he turned to d’Artagnan. 

‘I want you to press the metal to my flesh. Do not touch it to the flesh and take it away. Press it and keep it there. My man will move your arm when it is time.’

The man nodded to one of the other men, the one still wearing woollen gloves. The man moved to stand next to d’Artagnan.

‘You will press the poker to my flesh, he will pull your arm away. Do you understand?’

D’Artagnan nodded. 

Aramis realised he had pushed himself against the wall, as far away from the proceedings as he could. He consciously stood up straight again, not wishing to show any weakness. 

The other man who had brought the brazier in moved to stand behind the rich man. The rich man moved his arms back and allowed the other man to encircle his chest tightly, effectively preventing him from moving. Aramis realised the man knew his natural urge to save himself would prevent him from enjoying the pain. Aramis wondered if this was a new method of inflicting pain on himself, there did not appear to be any burn marks obvious on the man’s chest and abdomen. 

The man nodded to d’Artagnan who stepped forward. 

‘And remember,’ the man said with a glance at Aramis, ‘if you hesitate, your lover will receive the same treatment, but the poker will not be removed from his flesh until he has passed out from the pain.’

Aramis watched d’Artagnan carefully. He was shaking, but looked more determined. D’Artagnan was not going to allow him to be hurt again. 

The man was looking at the poker as it was brought towards his chest. He seemed mesmerized by it. D’Artagnan moved slowly but he did not hesitate. He let the poker swing towards the man and press against his flesh. 

The reaction was instant. The man screamed, the flesh burned, the smell filled the room. Aramis had to look away, the memories too strong for him. He looked back when he heard a metallic crash. D’Artagnan had dropped the poker. He looked shocked.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.’

The rich man had slumped in the arms of the man holding him. He was sweating and breathing fast. He managed to look up at d’Artagnan, the pain etched across his face. 

‘It’s fine...young man...it’s fine.’

The man who had been holding d’Artagnan’s arms pushed him back a few steps before retrieving the poker from the floor. D’Artagnan glanced as the gunman who was still holding the other hot poker. The man stepped away from them. After handing the glove back D’Artagnan moved to stand by Aramis who reached out and held on to him when he wavered a little. His lover was physically shaking and breathing fast. It felt strange to Aramis to hold onto his lover in such a way in a room full of strangers. It was not something he had ever done before. But as they all knew what he and d’Artagnan were he saw no reason to pretend. He saw no reason to only comfort d’Artagnan as if he were a fellow soldier. 

They watched as the rich man was helped out of the room by the man holding him. The man wearing the gloves dragged the brazier out into the short corridor before dousing the flames with a bucket of water. The two men with guns followed, locking the door behind them. 

Aramis was more concerned with d’Artagnan, who had not calmed down. 

‘They’ve gone, it’s alright.’

Aramis forced d’Artagnan to sit on the floor wrapping his arms around him again. D’Artagnan wilted into him.

‘When I dropped the poker, I thought they would hurt you…’

‘I guessed that,’ said Aramis before kissing his lover’s temple. ‘But you had done what he wanted at that point.’

D’Artagnan nodded.

‘Will they let us go now?’

D’Artagnan’s question was almost childlike. Aramis was worried about his lover. The things he had been forced to do appeared to be affecting him deeply. Aramis prayed that there would be nothing more for his lover to do for the insane man.

MMMM

The familiar sound of the door opening had them both look up, neither man bothered to move from their place sat, huddled together in the corner of the room. Aramis did not see it as a defeated gesture, more an acceptance. They could not escape the man. He knew d’Artagnan would not leave him and the threat the man posed if they tried to turn him in was too great. They had no choice but to do his bidding. 

The man, fully dressed this time and alone appeared at the bars. He did not unlock the door but he did watch them for a few seconds as if making sure he had their attention. He smiled, his smile held a tinge of sadness thought Aramis. A slight regret could be heard in his voice when he spoke. 

‘I have one more thing to ask of you,’ he said. ‘This time it will involve you both.’

D’Artagnan pushed himself away from Aramis and stood up. Aramis used the offered arm of his lover to stand as well. The inkling that they might be freed shortly had them both paying full attention. 

‘Unfortunately, Monsieur Aramis, you will be hurt for this to work for me.’

‘You said we would be free to go when you are done, you said it was only me who had to do things…’

D’Artagnan had again moved to stand slightly in front of Aramis.

‘I did not say that your lover would not be hurt, even with your cooperation. He will recover, I am not going to maim him or kill him, provided you do as you are asked.’

The rich man looked at d’Artagnan carefully. Aramis guessed he was trying to gauge the younger man’s reaction.

‘Will you let us go afterwards?’ asked Aramis.

The man switched his focus back towards him and nodded. 

‘Yes. It will be the last thing I ask of you both. I am sorry that you will be injured, but I need it to be just so.’

‘What if I refuse?’

‘D’Artagnan-’ Aramis started to speak but the man spoke over him.

‘If you refuse, all that you have done to me will be done to him. He will be tied down and flogged until there is no skin on his back, then he will be forced against the wall and burnt until there is no flesh unmarked on his chest. And then, after that, he will be killed. And you will watch every second of his torment…’

The man tilted his head slightly as he looked at d’Artagnan who had paled considerably. The man had spoken with a calm that did not fit the words he had said.

‘...you would not like that. I am sure.’

‘Just do what he wants,’ said Aramis quietly, as he lay a hand on his lover's shoulder. ‘He’s said I won’t be injured badly.’

‘Your lover speaks sensibly...you should listen to him.’

The man watched d’Artagnan again for a few seconds. 

‘We will begin shortly. With luck, you will both be free in a couple of hours.’

The man walked away. 

MMMM

They came en masse a few minutes later. The man was back to just wearing a cloak again. The two men with guns entered the cell and indicated for d’Artagnan to step away from Aramis. Reluctantly he did so, releasing his lover's hand at the last second. Aramis watched him walk slowly to the other end of the room and stand against the wall warily watching Gerard who had his gun aimed at him, his finger on the trigger. 

The other gunman had his weapon aimed at Aramis as the rich man approached him. The man stood in front of him for a few seconds looking him up and down. The man reached out and ran his fingers down Aramis’ arm before brushing across his bare chest. Aramis felt his breathing quicken along with his heartbeat. The man looked him in the eyes. Aramis could still sense the regret in his countenance. 

‘I need this,’ said the man, his voice no more than a whisper. Aramis doubted d’Artagnan could hear the man. 

Aramis did not respond. He watched silently as the man undid the manacles on his wrists, rubbing his thumb across the skin as he did so. Aramis did not pull away, not wishing to give the man any reason to act harshly with either of them. They were at the mercy of the man’s madness. 

The man took a couple of steps back, ‘strip,’ he said, his voice back to the certain, commanding tone it had been earlier. 

Aramis complied, he kicked off his boots before undoing his breeches. He noticed his hands were shaking a little. He could feel the gaze of the man on him as he popped the buttons open. He knew d’Artagnan would be watching them both. 

Aramis had a fair idea what was going to happen to him, how he was going to be hurt, and he wished that d’Artagnan did not have to watch it happen again. 

A scraping noise caused Aramis to pause his task and look towards the door. He had to work hard not to react to what he saw. The two other men were carrying in a bench. They set it in the centre of the room. It was not just a bench though. Aramis could see straps and restraints attached at strategic points. One end of the bench had a piece of wood on either side of it, placed slightly lower, jutting further out. 

Aramis had never seen such a device, but he had heard about them. He ruefully remembered one drunken night years before, he had been lying in bed with a lover and they had spent the time fantasising about tying each other to such a bench and fucking one another. Now that Aramis was faced with the reality, the fantasy seemed more of a nightmare. 

D’Artagnan was staring at the bench, wide-eyed, it was clear he had worked out its purpose but could not work out how the mad man’s plan was going to play out. 

The man swept his hand towards the bench. Aramis decided he did not want to be forced onto the bench, he submitted himself willingly. He knew if he resisted the man would threaten d’Artagnan. He stepped towards the bench standing at the end of the device. The man moved a few of the straps aside and indicated for him to kneel on the low pieces of wood. Aramis did so, lying down along the bench. He allowed the man to strap him down. He knew he was shaking. He knew what was coming and he was scared. He just had to hold onto the light that was their freedom. Aramis still had faith that the man would release them after he had performed the final act of his play. 

The man strapped him firmly, his fingers caressing his skin frequently. Aramis hated the touch. He felt vulnerable and exposed, he was completely helpless. Only his lover could keep him safe now. Aramis trusted d’Artagnan implicitly, he had no choice.

‘Drink this,’ said the man from behind him.

‘What is it?’ asked d’Artagnan an obvious trepidation in his voice.

‘A stimulant. What I am going to ask you to do will probably be difficult for you, without a little...help.’

‘What are you going to ask me to do?’

There was a pause. 

‘To fuck me.’

The man paused again.

‘That will help you to get aroused, I suspect you do not have any desire to fuck me, do you?’

D’Artagnan did not respond.

‘You will fuck me as I am fucking him,’ continued the man. ‘You will fuck me with no preparation as I fuck him with no preparation. It will hurt...both of us. It will be glorious.’

The man spoke with enthusiasm. Aramis knew it was something that men sometimes did, a highly stimulating activity for the man in the middle under normal, consenting, circumstance. But the rich man was going to hurt and be hurt at the same time. Did his madness know no bounds?

‘Remember what I said, if you do not do as I ask he will be killed and it will not be pleasant. It is a simple choice really. You love him, don’t you? Would you rather he be tortured and killed or fucked dry and released. A little sore and uncomfortable...or dead?’

Aramis waited for d’Artagnan to respond, when he did not he decided to help his lover with the issues he was having.

‘Do as he asks d’Artagnan,’ he said. ‘I want you to do as he asks.’

‘Ah,’ the man said, ‘the voice of reason. Your lover can see that what I say is for the best. Drink up young man, I want you hard when you fuck me. I want to feel your cock in me.’

The man moved to stand by Aramis, he crouched down so that they could make eye contact. He spoke quietly again.

‘Thank you, monsieur, you and your lover have helped me greatly. I shall not forget you.’

The man smiled at him. Aramis did not think the smile was genuine. His demeanour seemed slightly odd, as if he was lying. Before Aramis could reply, the man pushed a rag into his mouth and gagged him firmly before blindfolding him. Aramis was aware of the man moving away. 

Resigned to his fate Aramis tried to tune out all that was going on. He was aware of the man telling d’Artagnan to drink all of whatever he had been given to help him get aroused. There was movement behind him, but he could not tell what was happening. At one point he thought he could hear a few whispered words but he could not make them out. 

He tried to relax despite knowing he would be in pain regardless. 

It was no use, he tensed up as soon as he felt the man’s hands on his hips. He could not help taking shuddering, gasped, breathes as he felt the man push into him. Aramis screamed, he did not care. What the man was doing was abhorrent. What the man was forcing his lover to do was abhorrent. He imagined d’Artagnan reluctantly pushing into the man who then pushed into him in turn. The man would be receiving and giving pain in equal measures. The only difference was the man hurting the rich man was doing so under duress and the man the rich man was hurting was helpless and could not fight back. 

Aramis wished he could pass out, but at the same time did not want to cause his lover further worry. 

The assault continued. 

There were occasional words of encouragement from the man, he urged d’Artagnan on. Every few seconds he suffered a more forceful thrust of the man’s cock. Aramis grunted as the pain overwhelmed him. 

If the rich man did not release them after the assault Aramis decided he would find a way to rip the man to shreds. He kept the thought of killing the man at the forefront of his mind as he continued to endure the attack. His muffled screams echoing around the stone cellar.

MMMM

The man pulled back, Aramis moaned in pain at the act. He was breathing hard. There was nothing he could do, he could not move, could not curl up on himself. He was helpless. He tried to listen to what was going on around him, but his mind was filled with too many horrific images. Images of what his lover had been forced to do. He knew d’Artagnan would find what had happened difficult to comprehend. Aramis decided as he lay on the bench, unable to move, that when it was all over he would not dwell on what had happened to him, he would concentrate on ensuring his lover was not affected by the assault. The man had been forced to hurt a stranger for no other reason than that man’s own sexual gratification. 

And d’Artagnan had done what he had been told to in order to protect him. Aramis had been forced to watch, then forced to participate.

Aramis became aware of movement around him then a silence that seemed to stretch forever. He could feel a breeze over his naked body, he wondered for a moment if he had been left alone, helpless and vulnerable. Where was d’Artagnan?

The answer came when he felt a tug on one of the restraints. His right arm was released, before the one on his left arm received the same attention. Aramis managed to push the blindfold off and pulled at the gag, eventually working it free. He could not work out why d’Artagnan had not spoken to him. Had not asked if he was alright.

Aramis turned his head towards his lover who was busy undoing a strap that had been tightly pulled across his waist. 

‘They’ve gone,’ said d’Artagnan quietly.

Aramis was surprised at d’Artagnan’s vacant expression. He was expecting comfort and assurances that everything would be alright, but he was getting nothing from his lover. 

‘Are you alright?’ asked Aramis as he managed to push himself up painfully to kneel as d’Artagnan undid the straps that had been employed to keep his legs and ankles in place during the assault. 

‘They’ve left our clothes on a table. And money. Quite a lot of money. He paid us for our time.’

D’Artagnan’s voice seemed emotionless. His eyes were still vacant. Haunted? Aramis could not tell. 

As he moved to stand he found he could not support himself, the pain from the attack causing his knees to buckle. D’Artagnan grabbed him and steadied him.

‘I’ll help you to dress, get you back to your rooms…’

‘D’Artagnan?’

The young man looked through the clothes, picking out Aramis’ underclothes before steadying him as he stepped into them. Neither man remarked on the blood on Aramis’ thighs. Aramis winced as he straightened up. D’Artagnan handed him his shirt which he pulled on quickly. He had forgotten how chilled he had been before the assault. It felt good to be covering himself up again. D’Artagnan helped him pull on his breeches before setting his boots in front of him. 

All the time the younger man would not make eye contact with Aramis. All Aramis wanted to do was gather his lover into his arms and hold him tightly. He wanted d’Artagnan to hold him. He wanted contact from the man he loved but he was getting nothing. 

‘Can you walk?’

‘D’Artagnan, look at me…’

‘We need to work out where we are, I may be able to get us a cart to use if it is too far for you to walk…’

Aramis could not stop d’Artagnan from walking away from him, he walked out of the cellar and through the outer door. Aramis watched him go open-mouthed. 

After a few seconds, he went back to dressing, wondering if his lover was going to return. 

He shrugged on his doublet and picked up his weapons belts before slowly walking from the room. It was uncomfortable, but he could walk, although all he really wanted to do was lie down and sleep. He felt drained by the assault and whole captivity. It felt dreamlike to him and now d’Artagnan was worrying him greatly. 

Aramis was unsure what to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Porthos laid down the weapon he was cleaning and watched d’Artagnan walk through the garrison gate. The man seemed odd. He seemed distracted, unfocused. He saw Porthos and walked towards him. As he got closer Porthos could see the confusion on his face.

‘You need to go and see Aramis,’ he said without making eye contact. ‘He was injured, he’ll be alright, but he needs to be…’

Porthos rose from the bench and stepped in front of d’Artagnan who was looking slightly to the left of him but not focusing on anything in particular. 

‘What happened? How is he injured?’

D’Artagnan looked at him for a few seconds before looking away.

‘The man he...Aramis was hurt...he’ll be alright. I took him back to his rooms...he’ll be alright.’

Porthos watched d’Artagnan wander away. The young man walked towards the garrison sleeping quarters, somewhere he rarely went. If he was not spending the night with Aramis he was enjoying Constance’s company. 

Porthos did not know what to make of the man’s odd behaviour. He seemed uninjured. There had been no obvious bruises or bumps to his head, he was walking and talking, even if he had not made much sense. Porthos decided d’Artagnan could wait, although he would want the young man to be watched in his absence.

‘George,’ said Porthos, beckoning their newest commissioned man towards him. ‘I need to visit Aramis in his rooms, it seems he might have been injured. I’m sure it’s nothing serious. If Treville or Athos return from the Palace will you tell them where I’ve gone?’ 

George nodded his ascent before looking in the direction of the sleeping quarters. Porthos realised he must have seen the strange behaviour from d’Artagnan as well. 

‘Yes, I think he needs to be watched. I don’t think he’s injured, but try to keep him in the garrison.’

‘Yes. What do you think’s happened?’

‘I have no idea,’ said Porthos with a shake of his head.

MMMM

Porthos pushed open the door to Aramis’ rooms. He had hurried from the garrison, worried what state he was going to find his friend in. D’Artagnan’s strange behaviour was also something that would need addressing. But Aramis was his priority.

‘Aramis?’ he called out as he stepped into the living area of his friend's rooms. 

He looked around, there was no sign of a disturbance. Aramis’ weapons belts lay on the table, all his weapons were accounted for.

‘Porthos?’ 

Looking towards the bedroom where he had heard his friend’s concerned voice, Porthos walked to the door and looked in.

Aramis was lying, fully clothed, on his bed. The man was obviously in some discomfort, he was lying on his side. He appeared to have tried to push himself up slightly but the move had left him with his eyes screwed shut in pain.

‘What on earth has happened?’ asked Porthos as he moved to Aramis’ side and tried to push him onto his back.

When Aramis resisted the move Porthos started to look his friend over, trying to find an injury.

‘D’Artagnan?’

‘He turned up at the garrison. He said you were injured then went to his room. He was...odd, withdrawn...haunted. I came straight here, George is watching out for him.’

Aramis nodded, ‘I’ve never seen him like that…’

‘What happened?’

Aramis looked away for a second before responding, ‘we were taken by a man, a wealthy man, who wanted d’Artagnan to do...things to him.’

‘What things? Who was it?’

‘I don’t know who he was. He wanted d'Artagnan to hurt him, he made him flog him and burn him with a hot poker before…’

‘What?’

‘He made d’Artagnan...fuck him...with no...preparation.’

Porthos nodded slowly, the image that Aramis’ description brought to his mind was unpleasant. D’Artagnan’s behaviour was beginning to make sense, although it did not explain what had happened to Aramis. But Porthos was beginning to build a picture of a possible abhorrent scenario.

‘The man wanted d’Artagnan to fuck him as he...fucked me...in the same state…’

Porthos could not help a gasp of shock, despite half expecting something along the lines that had been explained by his friend. 

‘I’m not badly hurt,’ Aramis continued with a wince, ‘It’s just...awkward...I can’t move about too much, I’ll be fine, I’m sure, I just need to rest I think.’

Porthos nodded, ‘if you’re sure, I could get a doctor?’

Aramis reddened slightly and shook his head before saying, ‘I wouldn’t mind getting cleaned up though...but I’ll need help.’

‘I’ll get a fire going to heat some water,’ said Porthos. ‘I’m surprised he just left you here.’

Aramis replied, ‘he walked off. When the man and his thugs had left us, d’Artagnan walked off for a bit. I thought he’d abandoned me. I thought I’d have to get back on my own. When he came back he just helped me to walk here. He didn’t say anything. He brought me in here, helped me to lie down and left. I might have passed out for a bit, I don’t know how long I’ve been here.’

Porthos did some mental calculations, ‘at least thirty minutes I’d say.’

Slowly, and with frequent stops, Porthos managed to strip his friend of his clothes. He did not say anything about the blood on Aramis’ underclothes. He covered his friend with a blanket and went about starting a fire and collecting water. 

Aramis went into more detail about the ordeal as Porthos worked. His friend was obviously shocked at what had happened, but was far more concerned with d’Artagnan’s reaction than his own injuries. Porthos had never known the young man to be anything but caring for Aramis when he was ill or injured. For him to have left his lover and walked away was totally out of character. The assault on Aramis and the part he had played in it must have affected d’Artagnan deeply. Porthos was also worried about the effect it was having on Aramis, who was trying not to appear as worried as he was. Porthos suspected Aramis felt abandoned by d’Artagnan.

He hoped the younger man would recover from his shock quickly before it had too much of an adverse effect on Aramis. Porthos wondered which of the two men was more the victim in the sordid affair. 

MMMM

When he returned to the garrison Porthos found both Treville and Athos waiting for him. They moved to Treville’s office before Porthos related to them what had happened. The two men listened silently, Porthos observed them both go from concern to shock and back to concern as he talked. 

‘And d’Artagnan has not spoken about what happened yet?’ asked Treville.

Porthos shook his head, ‘no, he just told me Aramis needed help and walked off to his rooms, where I guess he still is.’

Athos nodded, ‘George told us he has not seen d’Artagnan again. He has no duties until tomorrow so has had no need to leave.’

Treville sighed, ‘what do we do?’ he asked. ‘Do we talk to him or leave him be?’

‘Perhaps he just needs a couple of hours to work it through,’ said Porthos. ‘I know Aramis sometimes needs a while before he can talk about traumatic events. We all react differently.’

Treville nodded, ‘let’s leave him for now then. But I want you to keep an eye on him. When do you think Aramis will be fit to return?’

‘He seemed to think he would be up and about in two or three days times, he’s not badly injured it’s just...uncomfortable for him...and I doubt he would like to have to explain his issues to the other men here.’

‘We can visit him and keep you updated,’ said Athos.

‘What about the man who did this to them?’ asked Porthos.

‘When Aramis is more recovered we should get all the information we can from him. But I think he is right when he said to you that there is little that can be done to bring the man to justice without implicating either of them,’ said Treville.

Porthos did not like the idea that the man responsible for leaving his two friends traumatised and injured was free to repeat the assault on other unsuspecting people.

MMMM

‘I think I’ll come in tomorrow,’ said Aramis, as Porthos poured him a glass of wine.

‘You certainly seem better than you were. Treville will have you on light duties though, you know that, don’t you.’

Porthos watched Aramis smile, it was refreshing to see his friend smile again. He had been, understandably quiet over the previous couple of days. Porthos had taken it in turns with Athos to visit their friend and check on his well being. He was still uncomfortable but was moving around more or less normally again. 

‘Have you seen much of him?’ 

Porthos did not need to ask who Aramis was referring to. In the days since the attack on them both, d’Artagnan had shut himself away from them all. He was still working. He was standing guard duty and training cadets, but he would not interact with anyone beyond the bare minimum. He had not been to visit Aramis, which had surprised and concerned them all. 

‘No. He’s barely talking to anyone. Athos tried to get him to join him for dinner the other day, but he wouldn’t. He probably would not have had to talk much with Athos, but just being with one of us would have been something. Treville tried to talk to him but he’s not speaking beyond what he’s already said.’

Aramis sighed, the downcast expression returned to his face as he listened to Porthos. 

‘I’m starting to wonder if I’ve done something wrong. Should I have not encouraged him to do as the man asked? At the time there seemed to be no other escape. They were going to kill me if he did not comply...but I know he didn’t want to do it-’

‘Of course, he didn’t want to do it. Who would? And you didn’t do anything wrong Aramis. Don’t start blaming yourself for the state he’s in. Perhaps once you’re up and about properly he’ll start to come around.’

Porthos watched his increasingly melancholy friend take in what he had said. 

‘You’re right. Perhaps he does just need a bit more time. It was...horrific,’ said Aramis. ‘But I want him back to normal.’

Porthos smiled sadly, ‘I know. We all do.’

MMMM

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ asked Constance as she approached the table. 

Porthos sighed, he realised that she did not know, she did not know what her lover had been through. None of them had thought to tell her and he doubted d’Artagnan had been to see her. His withdrawal from everyone included Constance. They should have thought she would be left out as well.

‘I’m sorry Constance,’ he said. ‘We should have let you know. I just didn’t think about it.’

‘Let me know what? Is d’Artagnan alright? What’s happened?’

‘You’d best sit down,’ said Aramis from behind Porthos, ‘this is going to take a little while to explain.’

Constance looked at Aramis sceptically before sitting on the bench. Aramis sat next to her. Porthos poured them all a drink, he glanced around the garrison. It was quiet, they would be able to talk quite freely out in the open. He watched as Aramis gently explained what had happened to them both. Porthos was always amazed at how Constance took her somewhat odd relationship with d’Artagnan in her stride. She had been sharing her lover for some time with Aramis and both of them were totally accepting of each other. 

The range of emotions that Constance went through as she listened mirrored what he had felt the first time he had heard Aramis go through the horrible events. By the time he had finished talking it through, Constance had taken Aramis’ hand in hers as she listened. Porthos realised Aramis had found it harder to tell Constance, probably because of the shared bond that they had. 

‘And he’s barely spoken to anyone since?’

‘No. And he ain’t spoken to Aramis at all. He’s been actively avoiding him…’

Porthos paused for a moment considering if he wanted to continue with what he wanted to say. Aramis beat him to it. 

‘I’m wondering if he blames me for something? Should I have dealt with it differently?’

‘We’ve been through this, Aramis,’ said Porthos. ‘You were the one being threatened with harm. You were the one who was harmed. He was doing what he had to do to keep you alive. He had no choice, you couldn’t have done anything differently.’

Constance was looking towards the sleeping quarters.

‘Could I try talking to him? Would that be alright? I’ve missed him these last few days. With my husband away I was expecting to see a lot more of him. I thought he would divide his time between us.’

She looked back at Aramis with a smile.

‘I miss him in my bed,’ she sighed. 

Aramis looked at her for a second before replying sadly, ‘I miss him in mine.’

It was a moment that should only really have been shared between the two of them, thought Porthos, the lovers of d’Artagnan. And yet, they all felt the loss. D’Artagnan seemed lost somehow. He sat silently, not wishing to disturb either Constance or Aramis in their quiet contemplation.

‘I’ll go and talk to him,’ she said decisively.

Porthos and Aramis watched her go.

‘I hope she has more luck than I did,’ said Aramis.

MMMM

It was not long before Constance returned to them at the table. Athos had joined them in the wait to see if the melancholy man’s lover could draw him out. Porthos had watched Aramis whilst they waited. His friend had become increasingly worried about d'Artagnan and was obviously trying to find some way to make the whole thing his fault. Both he and Athos had spoken to Aramis to try to keep him from getting depressed himself. It would not do for two of their number to withdraw from the world. Aramis was doing his best to maintain a semblance of normality but he was obviously a worried man. 

As were they all. 

D’Artagnan was usually bright and enthusiastic. He could often be found giving the cadets extra help or teaching the stable boys better practice with the horses. He rarely switched off. The change in his temperament, from outward going to insular had been so sudden that it was starting to be noticed. The rest of the garrison were asking questions. Most of which they had been able to divert. George had been sworn to secrecy. The young Musketeer did not know the full details but he knew something had happened to Aramis and d’Artagnan and he was not blind, he could see it was the cause of d’Artagnan’s current demeanour.

Aramis looked up at Constance, a slight hope in his eyes. Porthos wondered if his friend would be pleased just to know that d’Artagnan had talked to her, even if he was not ready to talk to anyone else. 

Constance shook her head, ‘he would barely speak. He passed the time of day and said he had been too busy to see me. He didn’t even bother to hide that he was lying to me. I told him that you missed him,’ she said looking at Aramis, ‘but he just looked away.’

She looked down shaking her head. Aramis rose from the table and gave her a hug.

‘You tried,’ he said, ‘what more could we ask?’

‘I’ve never seen him like that. I know what happened to you both was horrible, but you seem to be recovering from it so much better than he is.’

Porthos could tell Aramis was a little embarrassed as he replied to Constance, ‘I didn’t really have to...do...anything. But he did. I can only guess that’s why it’s worse for him.’

She cupped his face with her hand, ‘...but it was not your fault, and he should not be ignoring you.’

She turned to Porthos and Athos, ‘let me know if you think I can help him. If you think of anything else I could do. Or even if he shows some sign of getting back to his normal self.’

Both Musketeers nodded. 

‘And you look after yourself,’ she said, looking back at Aramis, ‘we don’t need two Musketeers shutting themselves off. Talk. You know it helps.’

Aramis smiled at her, he took her hand and kissed it. She hugged him again before walking off with a nod to Porthos and Athos. 

‘Did she manage to get through to him?’ asked Treville.

They looked up to see their Captain looking down at them. Athos shook his head.

‘I think it’s time that you confronted him. Make him talk. He’s had long enough. We’ve tried giving him time and space. But Aramis is as fine as can be expected. I want my Musketeer back,’ Treville paused. ‘And it’s been noticed at the Palace...that he is withdrawn and quiet. I know guards should be quiet, but you four are normally friendly and talkative to the family.’

‘We’ll go and talk to ‘im,’ said Porthos.

‘And if he continues like this I may be forced to send him away for a while. He’s no good to me like that. I’m sorry but he is not.’

Porthos had seen Aramis’ shocked look as Treville had spoken. None of them wanted their brother sent away to work. 

‘We understand,’ Aramis said, the emotion clear in his voice as he spoke. 

Porthos put his arm across Aramis’ shoulders as they walked towards the sleeping quarters. He was not surprised to find Aramis lean into his embrace. D’Artagnan was not the only one who was being affected by the events. 

MMMM

Porthos allowed Aramis to lead the way up the stairs to d’Artagnan’s small room. He was lucky to not have to share. Aramis paused at the door and took a breath before knocking. He did not wait for a response, Porthos suspected Aramis did not expect one. They stepped into the room to find d’Artagnan sat on the floor beside his bed, his knees drawn up. He had tears in his eyes. He sniffed as he looked at them with confusion.

‘You need to talk,’ said Athos taking his role as their leader, ‘you have had things like this happen to you before and managed to move on.’

D’Artagnan did not respond, he looked at them each briefly before returning to staring straight ahead. 

‘I’m fine...I don’t need to talk.’

‘You ain’t fine,’ said Porthos, ‘you are far from fine. If you were fine, you wouldn’t have just had Constance leaving here very worried about you. If you were fine, Aramis would not be thinking he’s done something wrong. Thinking he should have handled what happened to you both differently. D'Artagnan. You are not fine.’

The Musketeer looked up at Porthos for a few seconds before glancing at Aramis. He went back to looking ahead. 

‘Treville has said that he is going to have to send you away to work if you do not snap out of this. It has been noticed at the Palace,’ said Athos. 

Aramis took a few steps forward, d’Artagnan watched him, an almost wary look in his eyes. Porthos could not work out what the issue d’Artagnan had was, but it seemed to centre around Aramis who crouched down a few feet from d’Artagnan.

‘What you had to do to that man, it was horrible, but he wanted you to do it. He needed you to do it. He’s sick of the mind. Insane. He has to be. If your issue is that I was assaulted, then there is no issue, because that wasn’t you. You were involved but only because you had to be...to keep us both alive. I doubt they would have stopped at just killing me. D’Artagnan, it’s not as if you raped me.’

There was a silence that seemed to stretch forever but was only a few seconds.

D’Artagnan looked at Aramis, the tears spilling from his eyes as he spoke quietly. 

‘Except, I did…’


	4. Chapter 4

_A few days before… ___

__‘I won’t hesitate.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked at Aramis who could not take his eyes off the brazier and the pokers. It was clear what the strange man wanted him to do, and the memories that must have been causing to stir in Aramis were not good._ _

__The strange man allowed himself to be restrained by one of his thugs. D’Artagnan held the poker in front of the man. He did not want to do what was asked of him but knew he had no choice._ _

__The strange man was watching him carefully, his chest heaving as he continued to take deep breaths. D’Artagnan moved the poker towards the man’s chest. The thug next to him had his gloved hand hovering by d'Artagnan’s arm ready to move him away. He knew the hardest thing would be keeping the poker against the man’s skin._ _

__The man bucked as the hot metal was pushed into him. Time slowed down for d’Artagnan. The poker burned the man’s flesh. Blisters formed, some burst, the man screamed and tried to pull away. D’Artagnan wanted to look away but could not._ _

__As his arm was finally pulled away and the strange man slumped in the thug's arms, d'Artagnan dropped the poker. He watched it fall and clatter on the floor. He stared at it for a few seconds._ _

__Had he gone against the strange man’s rules? Was the man going to have Aramis hurt? Burned until he passed out?_ _

__‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,’ stuttered d'Artagnan looking up at the man._ _

__It seemed to take the man an aeon to respond._ _

__‘It’s fine...young man...it’s fine.’_ _

__The strange man was obviously in pain but at the same time he had taken on an odd calm. D’Artagnan did not understand how the man’s mind worked. He was insane, there was no other way to describe him. Aramis had been correct, the madness was there, it was just different to the rocking, uncommunicative, unfortunates that lived out their days in the asylums._ _

__The strange, mad, man was taken away by his thugs as Aramis took hold of him. His lover held onto him. D’Artagnan had not realised how much he needed that touch, until Aramis had reached out to him._ _

__D’Artagnan felt ashamed, he was shaking and breathing quickly. His chained up lover was comforting him. It should have been the other way around. But Aramis did not judge him, did not berate him for being pathetic, his lover just held him, helped him to sit on the floor and reassured him._ _

__MMMM_ _

__With an inevitability that d’Artagnan hated, the man had returned. When he had told them that Aramis would be hurt for the strange man’s next wish, d’Artagnan had protested. He had asked what would happen if he refused. The man had told him what would happen to Aramis if he did not do as the man wanted. Aramis had told him that he had no choice._ _

__When d’Artagnan found out exactly what he was expected to do he was, for a moment, in two minds as to if refusal would have been a better idea._ _

__The men with guns had indicated for him to move away from Aramis. He had stepped across the room and stood by the opposite wall watching as the strange man, his now scarred back towards him, spoke quietly to Aramis and caressed his arm and chest. Aramis had done his best not to react to the touch but d’Artagnan could see a fear growing within his lover. D’Artagnan wondered if his astute lover had worked out what was going to happen to them. D’Artagnan was trying to work it out but could not, his mind was still filled with too many thoughts from the previous two encounters with him._ _

__When Aramis was ordered to strip and started to comply d’Artagnan knew that something horrific was going to happen._ _

__And he knew he would have to let it._ _

__MMMM_ _

__The bench was brought into the room by the same two men that had assisted when the strange man had insisted on being burnt with the poker. The bench, covered in restraints and clearly designed as some sort of torture device was set down in the middle of the room. D’Artagnan knew Aramis was to be tied to it. His now naked lover would be strapped down and consequently be left exposed and vulnerable. And d’Artagnan knew Aramis would allow it to happen. Aramis was convinced the man would let them go after...after whatever the man wanted to do, had been done._ _

__Aramis did not hesitate, he walked up to the bench and lay across it. D’Artagnan could see that his lover was shaking, despite his attempt to look calm, Aramis was scared. The strange man started to strap Aramis to the bench, each time he buckled one of the leather straps he stroked his fingers across Aramis’ skin. The straps were tightened, they appeared to bite into Aramis in places. The restrained man had been left with little movement. Aramis was breathing quickly._ _

__The man moved towards d’Artagnan, who refocused his attention as he was approached. One of the thugs handed the man a cup. The man held the cup out towards d’Artagnan._ _

__‘Drink this,’ said the man._ _

__‘What is it?’ asked d’Artagnan, he tried to keep his tone neutral, he wanted to remain strong for Aramis. He knew he had failed._ _

__‘A stimulant. What I am going to ask you to do will probably be difficult for you, without a little...help,’ the man said with a smile and a tilt of his head._ _

__‘What are you going to ask me to do?’_ _

__The man paused for a second before responding._ _

__‘To fuck me.’_ _

__D’Artagnan stared at the man. He could not quite comprehend what was being asked of him. Was Aramis tied to the bench as a warning that if he did not comply the man, or one of his thugs would rape his lover, his lover who could do nothing to prevent any assault? His thoughts returned to the strange man telling them that Aramis was going to be injured. D’Artagnan began to form a picture in his mind of what the man might be proposing._ _

__The man was talking again. His matter of fact voice at odds with the situation._ _

__‘That will help you to get aroused,’ he said, indicating the cup of liquid. ‘I suspect you do not have any desire to fuck me, do you?’_ _

__D’Artagnan did not respond, he could not think of anything he could say to the man._ _

__‘You will fuck me as I am fucking him,’ continued the man, with a nod towards Aramis._ _

__The sheer horror of what was happening began to fully dawn on d’Artagnan. Aramis was going to be assaulted, his vulnerability was going to be exploited._ _

__‘You will fuck me with no preparation as I fuck him with no preparation. It will hurt...both of us. It will be glorious.’_ _

__The man smiled, a beaming, joyous smile. This had been what the man wanted from the start. He had never had any intention of letting them both go unharmed. The man had been planning to put him in the abhorrent position he now found himself. Aramis was going to be raped, and d’Artagnan was going to be fucking the rapist when it happened. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to run away, he wanted anything but what was about to happen._ _

__‘Remember what I said, if you do not do as I ask he will be killed and it will not be pleasant. It is a simple choice really. You love him, don’t you? Would you rather he be tortured and killed or fucked dry and released. A little sore and uncomfortable...or dead?’_ _

__D’Artagnan could feel himself becoming overwhelmed with the situation, he felt faint. He stumbled back a couple of steps, finding himself being held by Gerard, with surprising gentleness. He pushed himself back up to stand._ _

__‘Do as he asks d’Artagnan,’ Aramis said, his voice choked with emotion. ‘I want you to do as he asks.’_ _

__Aramis, the man who was about to be assaulted in one of the most vicious ways imaginable was being the voice of reason in the room. He knew and understood the stakes and had been forced to react. D’Artagnan felt a fresh wave of shame wash over him, he should have been more in control, should have been able to make the decision, the only decision. He had to do what the man asked or Aramis would suffer even more pain and be killed._ _

__‘Ah,’ the man said glancing back to Aramis, ‘the voice of reason. Your lover can see that what I say is for the best. Drink up young man, I want you hard when you fuck me. I want to feel your cock in me.’_ _

__The man handed him the cup and moved back to Aramis, crouching down and speaking to him quietly. D’Artagnan could not hear what was being said. The man then gagged and blindfolded Aramis leaving him with even less awareness of what was going on._ _

__The man rose from Aramis’ side. He looked pointedly at d’Artagnan._ _

__‘Drink it all,’ he said before nodding to the two gunmen._ _

__The men moved from their place by the door. One stood close to Aramis’ head and aimed his gun at the back of the restrained man’s shoulder. Gerard moved to stand on the other side of Aramis, his gun aimed at the naked man’s side. D’Artagnan understood the threat. They were not simply going to kill Aramis if he did not comply, they were going to leave him maimed. The gunshots might not prove fatal. They might just leave him without the use of one arm, or he might be left to a long painful death._ _

__D’Artagnan looked at the liquid again for a few seconds before drinking it all as quickly as he could. He wondered how long it would take for the drug to work. He had no desire to have sex with the man. He did not want to participate in his lover's rape._ _

__The man flung off his cloak. He stroked his already hard cock a few times before nodding towards d’Artagnan’s breeches._ _

__Reluctantly, d’Artagnan unbuttoned his breeches. He glanced at the other men in the room. None were looking at him. They were looking over the heads of d’Artagnan and their master. The men had probably been ordered not to watch. The men were probably paid well enough that they would not disobey the order._ _

__Despite wishing he was not, d’Artagnan found that he was becoming aroused. He undid his underclothes and looked at his hard cock. He closed his eyes for a few seconds wishing the whole thing was a nightmare._ _

__The man was stood between him and Aramis, but he was not facing Aramis. He was not lining himself up ready to fuck him. The man was smiling at him. The smile was cruel._ _

__He stepped aside._ _

__D’Artagnan did not understand. The man had clearly said that he wanted to fuck and be fucked at the same time._ _

__The man indicated for d’Artagnan to take his place behind Aramis. With a renewed horror, d’Artagnan understood what was being asked of him. He did not move. He shook his head._ _

__The man’s smile faltered a little. He stepped up close to d’Artagnan and spoke quietly, but with purpose and venom._ _

__‘If you do not fuck him, I will have him killed. He will be killed slowly. He will scream with pain. I will skin him, burn him, fuck him...and all while you watch. He will know that you could have prevented it. He will know that you betrayed him. He will know that you abandoned him in his hour of need...Only you have the power to keep him alive. And to do that you will fuck him, and you will not say anything as you do so.’_ _

__D’Artagnan nodded slowly, resigned to his own fate, much as his lover had been when he climbed onto the bench and allowed himself to be strapped down._ _

__But d’Artagnan was about to hurt his lover, he was about to harm his lover in order to save him._ _

__The evil, strange, mad, man pushed him slightly towards Aramis. D'artagnan stood behind his lover. He reached out and rested his hands on Aramis’ hips. He could feel Aramis shaking, feel the fear coming from him._ _

__He hesitated again, but the man looked at him with menace. D’Artagnan pushed into his lover._ _

__Aramis screamed._ _

__MMMM_ _

__The screams were muffled by the gag but his pain was obvious. D’Artagnan wondered if Aramis would have tried to remain quiet if he had known it was his lover thrusting into him; causing the pain._ _

__The strange man was working his own cock as he watched, he was drooling. The man gave words of encouragement, accompanied by the occasional push at the small of d’Artagnan’s back._ _

__Aramis continued to cry out. He was tense. D’Artagnan glanced down and saw the blood, he looked away._ _

__The feeling of shame had grown all-encompassing. He did not know how he was going to live with himself if they were released. At the back of his mind, he wondered if it might actually be better if they were killed. How could he look at Aramis again after what he had done?_ _

__How could he be with Aramis again?_ _

__The man continued to touch himself and encourage d’Artagnan. The man was careful in what he said so that Aramis was none the wiser as to what was really happening to him. D’Artagnan was sure the man was more aroused knowing that the victim did not know what was happening._ _

__When the man finally came he shouted with pleasure. He looked at d’Artagnan and indicated for him to step back, pulling out of the man restrained on the bench. Aramis moaned in between gasped breaths._ _

__Unconsciously, d’Artagnan tidied his underclothes and breeches. He was no longer aroused. He did not look at the strange man or any of his thugs. He simply stood looking vaguely at Aramis, but not really at him._ _

__D’Artagnan just stood and waited for whatever was going to happen next._ _

__He was aware of one of the thugs throwing the strange man’s cloak over him again. The thugs were moving about, leaving the cell. One man remained but was not bothering to aim his weapon at d’Artagnan._ _

__The strange man walked up to him, he leaned in and spoke in d’Artagnan’s ear, his lips brushing against his skin._ _

__‘Thank you.’_ _

__The man walked away._ _

__D’Artagnan stood where he was for several seconds. He stared ahead, trying to work out what he should do. He blinked a couple of times before looking at Aramis, still restrained on the bench, still gagged and blindfolded. Still helpless._ _

__He glanced towards the barred door, it had been left open. A table in the small hallway had their clothes and weapons neatly laying on it along with a small pouch._ _

__D’Artagnan walked to the table and lifted the pouch, he looked inside. Money filled the pouch. He knew it was a substantial amount. He felt sick as he dropped the pouch back on the table. He looked along the hall and saw the outer door, also standing open._ _

__Turning back to Aramis, d’Artagnan started to undo the strap around his wrist. He moved around to undo the opposite strap. Aramis slowly moved his hand to his face and pulled the gag and blindfold off._ _

__D’Artagnan felt he should say something, ‘they’ve gone.’_ _

__Aramis watched him, concern in his eyes, mixed with the obvious pain. D’Artagnan continued to unbuckle the straps. Aramis pushed himself up to kneel as the last of the straps was undone._ _

__‘Are you alright?’_ _

__The question should have been asked by him, not the man in front of him. Not by the man who had been assaulted._ _

__He could not respond, but he had to say something._ _

__‘They’ve left our clothes. And money. Quite a lot of money. He paid us for our time.’_ _

__D’Artagnan was aware of Aramis looking at him, but could not bring himself to return the gaze. Aramis managed to step off the bench, but was too weakened from the assault to stand. D’Artagnan grabbed him as his knees buckled, holding him, but not looking at him until he was steady again. The move had been unconscious, but now felt wrong. The contact felt wrong._ _

__‘I’ll help you to dress, get you back to your rooms…’_ _

__Once he was sure Aramis was steady on his feet again he moved away, breaking off the contact._ _

__‘D’Artagnan?’_ _

__He did not respond, he sorted through the clothes and helped Aramis to dress. It was a slow process. Aramis winced a few times and had to stop a couple of times to take a few breaths._ _

__‘Can you walk?’ d’Artagnan asked, realising he had not spoken for some time._ _

__‘D’Artagnan, look at me…’ Aramis tried to touch d’Artagnan but he stepped away, towards the door._ _

__‘We need to work out where we are, I may be able to get us a cart to use if it’s too far for you to walk…’_ _

__Without looking back, d’Artagnan walked from the cell, along the hall and out of the door. He kept walking for several minutes._ _

__He wanted to scream, but he could not._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As that was a shorter chapter you may get the next one later today, if not tomorrow morning.  
> Thanks for all the comments. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

_Now… ___

__‘I walked away...I left you…’_ _

__D’Artagnan, who looked as though he could not experience any more mental anguish, stared at Aramis. Aramis had not moved from his place a few feet away from the young Musketeer. As d’Artagnan had stumbled and stuttered through an explanation of what had happened, Athos had noticed a change in Aramis. The concern that his friend had for d’Artagnan when they had first walked into the room had changed to shock. Aramis was trying to hide it but failing. He was taking long shaky breaths as he tried not to react too obviously. Athos was sure d’Artagnan had noticed._ _

__There was silence for a few seconds when d’Artagnan stopped talking, only broken by the occasional sniff from the young man._ _

__With as steady a voice as Aramis could muster, he broke the silence._ _

__‘I don’t blame you for the...assault. You were forced to do it. That man...he...he is insane…’_ _

__Aramis trailed off, Athos could tell his friend was at a loss for what to say. D’Artagnan looked at Aramis for a few more seconds before pushing himself up to stand, he had to lean on the wall for a second for support. D’Artagnan walked passed Aramis as he rose from his crouched position, leaving the room. Aramis watched him go before taking a couple of steps after him._ _

__Athos shook his head, ‘I do not think you are what he needs at the moment.’_ _

__Aramis looked at Athos and Porthos in turn._ _

__‘I had no idea it was him...I should have guessed by the way he was acting…’_ _

__‘No.’_ _

__They both looked at Porthos._ _

__‘You shouldn’t have guessed it was ‘im. How could you guess? That rich bastard told you what to expect and that’s what you thought was happening. He manipulated that lad into doing something he would never contemplate in a million years.’_ _

__Athos reached out to Aramis, ‘he needs time to get over this. I guess you want to...be with him. But I do not think he wants to be with you.’_ _

__Aramis was blinking as the various possible futures dawned on him. Athos sympathised with his friend. They had all quickly realised there was a very real possibility that d’Artagnan would not recover from the ordeal. Aramis was better than he had been, his unfortunate previous experience of being assaulted had taught him what he needed to do to recover. It had been difficult for Aramis without d’Artagnan’s support, but he had spent time talking to Porthos which had helped him greatly._ _

__‘I will keep an eye on him for now,’ said Athos as he turned away from Aramis._ _

__As he left the room he looked at Porthos who nodded subtly. It was not just d’Artagnan who needed to be watched. He was sure Aramis would not do anything untoward but they would not want their friend left alone after the revelation._ _

__Athos followed d’Artagnan who was just walking from the garrison out onto the busy street. He wondered which of his friends he felt sorrier for. D’Artagnan, who had been forced to hurt the man he loved, or Aramis, who now had to come to terms with what his lover had done._ _

__MMMM_ _

__Athos followed the melancholy man through the streets. D’Artagnan did not pay any attention to the people around him. His usual alertness had deserted him. Athos found he was keeping watch for both of them. He followed close enough to intercede in case anyone tried to interact with his friend but far enough back so as not to crowd him. He guessed d’Artagnan was aware he was there but had chosen not to acknowledge him._ _

__Watching the aftermath of their ordeal had been heartbreaking for both Porthos and himself. They had made themselves available to both men should they have felt the need to talk. Aramis had talked, he had physically recovered well, but he continued to worry about d’Artagnan. The effect the young Musketeer was having on Aramis was a cause for concern. Aramis had been left wondering if he was to blame for what had happened. He had said to both Athos and Porthos that he could have handled the situation better, he could have tried to encourage d’Artagnan to escape. Porthos had pointed out to Aramis that d’Artagnan would not have left him to his fate._ _

__And now the whole event was affecting them all. Treville had told Athos that if he sent d’Artagnan away, perhaps to one of the other Palace’s he worried what effect it would have on the rest of them. The four were a team, losing a quarter of that team after so long would unbalance them. Treville was worried. They all were._ _

__D’Artagnan turned towards the river, Athos quickened his step. He did not want to lose his friend in the narrower streets. But d’Artagnan slowed down slightly as he reached the river. He stopped by a low wall. Athos watched him sit on the wall for a few seconds before swinging his legs over to face the river. For a moment Athos wondered if d’Artagnan was going to do something stupid. But the young man remained where he was, sitting on the wall, looking at the river, his legs dangling several yards above the water._ _

__Athos reached him and sat on the wall next to him. Close enough to grab him if necessary. He did not say anything, he did not stare at his friend, he simply waited for d’Artagnan to make the first move, either to walk away or start to talk._ _

__D’Artagnan was looking at the river, which was unusually calm, his expression unreadable. They sat in silence for several minutes. Athos was prepared to give his friend as long as he needed. Despite being soldiers they were not without feelings and emotion. If one of them suffered, they all did. Athos wanted d’Artagnan to recover from the trauma of what had happened to him._ _

__‘I thought,’ said d’Artagnan eventually, ‘I actually thought for a few seconds, when I knew what he wanted me to do...I thought it would be better for us both to die…’_ _

__Athos remained silent, there was nothing to say._ _

__‘I thought it would be better to let them kill him than for me to do...that to him. If he hadn’t already told me to do what the man had originally asked...I might have hesitated too long...if I didn’t do it they would have killed him…’_ _

__D’Artagnan finally looked up._ _

__‘I’m confused. I don’t know what to think...What to do…’_ _

__‘You need to talk...to someone, if not Aramis, then Porthos or I. But this is clearly troubling you. You need to deal with it.’_ _

__‘How? I can’t forgive myself for what happened-’_ _

__‘You were forced to do it. We know what happened.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked away._ _

__‘You both got away alive. Aramis wants to move on, but he cannot.’_ _

__‘He’s not still injured?’ asked d’Artagnan showing genuine concern for his lover._ _

__‘No, d’Artagnan,’ said Athos, ‘physically he is mostly recovered, but you are the one who is preventing him moving on.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked confused. Athos realised the Musketeer did not know that what he was doing was affecting them all. He had shut himself away to such an extent he had no idea what was going on around him._ _

__‘We are all very worried about you. You have shut yourself away. You have barely spoken to anyone. Aramis is starting to convince himself he did something wrong. That you do not approve of him telling you to do what your captor wanted. Obviously, he could not envision what eventually happened.’_ _

__Athos paused with a sigh. He decided that d’Artagnan needed to know how much his self-doubt was bothering Aramis._ _

__‘He understands that you might not be able to...be...with him again. But you need to talk to him. Tell him that you do not blame him. Tell him that his...wish...for you to carry on was the right choice. Because it was. That man would have killed you both if he could not get his own way.’_ _

__D’Artagnan listened carefully, Athos could see the younger man realising the issues he had caused. And while Athos sympathised with him he also knew the situation could not remain as it was._ _

__‘I’m sorry.’_ _

__Athos shook his head, ‘do not be sorry. You have not done anything wrong. This has left you shocked and confused, we understand that. But please, d’Artagnan, let us help you. Talk to us. We will listen and we will not judge you. We have all been in impossible situations.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked back over the river for a few seconds before nodding._ _

__‘I’ll talk to Aramis,’ he said._ _

__‘That will be a start,’ replied Athos with a smile._ _

__MMMM_ _

__Knowing that their friends were, hopefully, on the way to sorting out their issues Athos and Porthos were not surprised to be called to Trevilles office. There was something that needed to be dealt with and if they could avoid exposing either d’Artagnan or Aramis to it, all the better._ _

__‘Was Aramis able to give you any clue as to the identity of this insane man?’ asked Treville as they settled themselves._ _

__Porthos shook his head, ‘he described the man, and his thugs but he has no idea who the man is.’_ _

__‘What about the house they were held in?’_ _

__Athos said, ‘I searched it once Aramis had given us the address. It is empty, and has been for several months. The previous owners have left the city and did not leave word of their current whereabouts. I do not believe they are involved. It appears the man, who Aramis described as aristocratic, wealthy, just used the empty house, and has been for some time.’_ _

__‘And Aramis got the impression they were not the first men taken and abused by their captor,’ said Porthos. ‘The room they were kept in had been prepared for them, it was well maintained.’_ _

__A knock on the door had the three men pause. Treville called out for the newcomer to enter._ _

__Aramis stepped into the room._ _

__‘I know why you’re here,’ he said, ‘you want to find the man responsible.’_ _

__‘We won’t involve you or d’Artagnan,’ said Treville. ‘It is better for you if you remain away from this-’_ _

__‘I appreciate what you are going to do, and I’m not going to try to stop you,’ Aramis paused for a few seconds before continuing. ‘I thought you might be struggling to find him. I might have an idea where you could start.’_ _

__Athos could tell Aramis was a little reticent to continue._ _

__‘Anything you can tell us will help,’ he said._ _

__Aramis managed a self-conscious smile._ _

__‘There’s a tavern. It...er...it welcomes men like me. I’ve never actually been in it, I nearly did once but was, fortunately, stopped. But it might be somewhere that the man who took us would find other men to...use for his gain.’_ _

__Porthos scowled, ‘he’s got to be stopped.’_ _

__‘I agree,’ said Aramis as he wrote the address of the tavern down._ _

__He handed the paper to Athos, ‘please be careful. I know the place has been raided a few times by the Red Guard. They have a tendency to take people indiscriminately.’_ _

__‘We will,’ replied Athos. ‘Thank you for this.’_ _

__Aramis nodded and left the men to their meeting. They all knew the less he was involved in their investigation the better. Dealing with the man that had caused their friend’s pain would go a long way towards helping them overcome the traumatic event._ _

__MMMM_ _

__Athos opened the door and walked through, descending the four steps to the main area of the tavern. There was an instant tension in the room. It was late afternoon, they were not expecting the tavern to be too busy and had hoped to avoid any potential raids with their early arrival._ _

__Arriving in full uniform had obviously worried the patrons of the tavern and the tavern keeper who was staring at them, his mouth open in surprise._ _

__‘Messieurs,’ said Porthos, ‘we are not here to arrest anyone. We are here for information. We believe there is a wealthy man who may have...used...some of you for his own nefarious gain.’_ _

__Athos scanned the room looking for any reaction as Porthos spoke. Some of the men looked confused. He noted that several who had been sitting close together as they entered the tavern were now sitting apart. He pitied them. The fear of being caught expressing their true selves was forcing them to hide and put up barriers._ _

__‘If any of you have been involved with this man we want you to know that we are only interested in finding him and putting a stop to his activities…’_ _

__Athos noticed a couple of young men in the corner of the tavern who were staring at them both. One of them looked at Athos, wide-eyed, he nodded very slightly, before rising to stand. The man next to him noticed and reached out to stop the first shaking his head. But the man seemed determined, he leaned over the second man and whispered something to him, before turning and walking from the tavern. After a few seconds, the other man followed him, glancing at Athos and Porthos as he did so._ _

__Athos leaned into Porthos, ‘I think we may have a lead, you stay here, I’ll go and talk to them.’_ _

__Porthos nodded and started to go from table to table talking to the customers._ _

__After stepping back onto the street Athos looked around, a cough drew his attention to an alleyway opposite him. The two young men were standing just in the shadows. Athos crossed to them, he leaned on the wall and looked away, it was clear the men did not want anyone to see him talking to them._ _

__‘You’re really not here to arrest us?’ asked the man who had first made eye contact with him, a blond-haired man who was younger than d’Artagnan by several years._ _

__‘We are not interested in your activities, we only want to know whatever you may be able to tell us about the man who hurt you...or your friend.’_ _

__There was a pause before the other man spoke, he was a couple of years older, with short brown hair and a neat beard._ _

__‘You know someone who went through it too, don’t you. I can tell it was not you...you’re...not the type.’_ _

__Athos smiled, with a shake of his head, ‘no, I am not the type.’_ _

__‘He met us in the tavern,’ said the blond man. ‘He was charming. He invited us to his home. But when we got there it was just an abandoned house…’_ _

__The man’s voice was becoming choked with memories._ _

__‘The man forced us to do things. He made me flog him...and…’_ _

__The other man continued for the blond, ‘he made my friend do something he would not do. He made my friend hurt me…’_ _

__Athos remained silent when he heard a quiet sob from the blond man. He could understand the conflicted feelings the memories were bringing up for the haunted man._ _

__‘Are you going to arrest him, monsieur?’_ _

__‘We do not know his name or where he really lives,’ replied Athos as he looked up and down the street._ _

__‘He told us he was the Vicomte Clement. He told us he was like us and invited us to his home for some...entertainment. He was very charming. But when we reached the house we were grabbed and forced down some steps. Henri, he was forced to do things…’_ _

__Athos pushed himself away from the wall, he pulled his money bag from his belt and tipped a few coins out, he was about to hand them to the man who shook his head._ _

__‘Just stop him from doing it again,’ the man said, before turning and walking away, further into the alleyway._ _

__The blond man, his head down, followed, as they went out of sight Athos saw the older man put his arm across the younger man’s shoulders._ _

__‘Did they tell you anything?’ asked Porthos from behind him._ _

__‘Enough for us to find the man, provided he used his real name. And I suspect he did, knowing that the fear of reprisal would be too great.’_ _

__Porthos nodded, ‘let’s pay ‘im a visit then.’_ _

__MMMM_ _

__After a few discreet enquiries, they found the man’s real address. A well-appointed dwelling in a wealthy street. The house was not decadent, it did not stand out. The man, outwardly, was not ostentatious._ _

__Athos watched the house from across the road as Porthos did a circuit of the property. They needed to know if the Vicomte was likely to leave without them knowing via a rear exit. No one paid Athos any notice as he waited. They had switched from their uniforms to plain doublets, they did not want to draw attention to themselves._ _

__Porthos wandered back across the road._ _

__‘I doubt he’ll leave from the back, it ain’t grand enough. He may not be showing off but he looks the sort that likes to be seen.’_ _

__‘You saw him?’_ _

__‘Yeah,’ replied Porthos, ‘he’s in there now, but I don’t think he will be for long, he was getting ready to leave.’_ _

__‘Good, we can follow him. No carriage has arrived so he must be leaving on foot.’_ _

__They watched the front of the house for a few minutes before the door opened. The Vicomte stepped out, he looked up and down the road before walking away. Both Musketeer followed silently._ _

__Vicomte Clement strolled along the road, pausing occasionally to pass the time of day with neighbours. It became clear that he was heading for the tavern that they had visited earlier in the day. Porthos indicated that he was going to move ahead of the man. Athos nodded his understanding. If they were going to stop the man they needed to detain him whilst he was on a quiet road._ _

__Porthos disappeared along a side street, breaking into a run once he was off the main road. Athos quickened his pace until he was only a few feet behind the Vicomte. As they neared the alleyway Athos was expecting Porthos to appear from, he made his move._ _

__‘Vicomte,’ he said._ _

__The neatly dressed man turned, a smile on his face._ _

__‘Yes? Do I know you?’_ _

__His smile turned to a strangled cry of shock as Porthos grabbed him from behind, a hand over his mouth and strong arms dragging him off the road. Athos grabbed the man’s legs. The Vicomte struggled against them and continued to try to cry for help, but between them, they got him into the cellar of a tavern that backed onto the road._ _

__The cellar door had been open, Athos guessed Porthos had planned ahead. The door leading to the main part of the tavern was blocked. They would not be disturbed._ _

__Athos dropped the man’s legs and shut the outer door. They were far enough off the main road to not be heard, and the raucous noises from the tavern would cover any further shouts from Clement._ _

__‘What is the meaning of this?’_ _

__The Vicomte pushed away from Porthos as he was released. He stepped towards Athos but recoiled when the Musketeer pulled his sword a few inches from his belt. Clement backed away until he was pressed against a wall._ _

__‘I have money…’_ _

__‘We know you ‘ave money,’ said Porthos, ‘you paid our friends well for what you did to them.’_ _

__Clement stared at Porthos for a few seconds as realisation dawned on him._ _

__‘D’Artagnan and Aramis...I thought I recognised you both, you patrol with them…’_ _

__The man paused before a slight smile played on his lips._ _

__‘Do you do more than patrol with them?’_ _

__Athos wondered if Porthos was going to pummel the man to death when he took a step forward. Clement looked at Porthos._ _

__‘Oh, I would love for you to hit me. Hurt me…’_ _

__Clement was breathing fast a look of longing on his face. Athos felt sick at the thought of what the man wanted. Aramis had described it as a need. The man needed to be caused pain. He knew they could not give the man what he wanted._ _

__‘We are not going to do what you ask,’ he said calmly._ _

__Porthos took a few steps back, the anger clear on his face. Athos stepped towards the man._ _

__‘They were good,’ said Clement, ‘it was...beautiful...that young man...fucking his lover...the look of horror on his face as he worked. Tell me, is he still traumatised? I really had to threaten to hurt Aramis a lot to get him to comply. He did not want to do it. I thought for a moment if I might have to kill them both...but then Aramis encouraged him...’_ _

__Clement sighed._ _

__‘Aramis wanted him to do it. I think Aramis secretly enjoyed being forced into submission like that.’_ _

__He paused again staring at the two angry men in front of him. He started to undo his doublet, almost ripping the buttons off in his haste._ _

__‘Are you going to kill me?’ he asked, a look of glee in his eyes, the smile had returned to his lips. ‘Kill me slowly, take your time, make it hurt…’_ _

__Athos could not believe what he was hearing. He stared at the man who was shrugging out of his doublet and untucking his shirt._ _

__‘If either of you want revenge for what happened to Aramis, feel free,’ he said as he started to unbutton his breeches._ _

__‘I will be compliant, I’m a good fuck, you’d enjoy-’_ _

__The Vicomte did not get a chance to finish his sentence. The gunshot to the head silencing him permanently, a look of surprise in his eyes._ _

__As Clement crumpled to the ground Athos looked around. Porthos, his gun still aimed at the space where Clement had been standing, was struggling to contain his anger._ _

__‘If you had not done that, I would have,’ said Athos._ _

__Porthos lowered the gun and looked at him for a few seconds before grabbing an old blanket from behind some wine barrels. He stepped towards the body and wrapped it up, before heaving the dead man on to his shoulder._ _

__‘I’ll get rid of this, can you straighten out the room?’_ _

__Athos nodded as he opened the outer door again, he glanced up and down the alleyway before stepping back._ _

__‘Be careful,’ he said as Porthos passed him._ _

__He watched Porthos disappear along the alleyway and out of sight._ _

__As he removed the barricade and checked for any sign of them being in the room, Athos listened to the continued noise above him. He doubted anyone had heard the gunshot. He quietly stepped back out onto the alleyway and made his way back towards the garrison. He knew Porthos would be able to dispose of the body somewhere it would not be found. Clement would probably be missed but he thought it unlikely that anyone would trace the man’s disappearance back to them._ _

__The one thing that amused Athos as he thought about the whole grim affair was that Clement would have been very disappointed by the quick death he was granted. The man wanted to be hurt. Athos shook his head as he walked, he did not understand the man’s motivation. Aramis had described him as insane, their friend was correct._ _

__Clement had been a wealthy man. He could probably have found men willing to submit to his entertainment. But Clement’s particular insanity needed that much more. He wondered how many times Clement had taken people to sate his appetite._ _

__One thing Athos did know was that Clement was leaving a lasting legacy of torment and anguish with his victims. Athos hoped that knowing the man was dead would help d’Artagnan to finally accept that he was not at fault and he would be able to talk to Aramis who was lost without his lover._ _

__Athos knew his friends would need time to properly recover. He just hoped that what had happened to them both was not going to keep them apart permanently._ _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've had the hurt now it's time for some angst and comfort...

Aramis stretched out his hand across the sheet. He knew he was not going to find anyone on the other side of the bed, but he hoped. Hoped that somehow his lover had returned to him, recovered and ready to move on. Ready to be with him again, to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him. Aramis missed his lover deeply. As the days had gone on he became more and more aware of how much d’Artagnan was a part of his life. 

When they were first together he was helping d’Artagnan to deal with something. He was helping d’Artagnan to sate an urge, a need that had been uncovered within him. But it had changed over the weeks and months that had followed. Neither of them saw what they had as a convenience anymore. It had quickly developed into a proper relationship, the only things that stopped it being an acceptable relationship was that they were both men. 

Now d’Artagnan had been cruelly taken from him. Not by a glorious death on the battlefield. No, his lover was still very much alive. But in torment. And Aramis could do nothing to help him. He could do nothing to help him because d’Artagnan would not let him. He had intimated that he might never be able to be with Aramis again, never share a bed with him. 

They had managed to talk a couple of times. But d’Artagnan had barely looked at him, the horror of what he had done preventing the younger man from forgiving himself. Even the knowledge that the man responsible for their current tormented state was dead had not stopped d’Artagnan’s self-imposed withdrawal from them all. 

Even Constance was being shunned. She and Aramis had talked several times, she assured him that she did not blame him for what had happened. But Aramis could not help feeling a little responsible. 

If he had not encouraged d’Artagnan, he might not have done what their captor wanted him to. But Aramis had to keep reminding himself, if that had happened, both of them would have been killed. 

The vicious circles of logic continued to spin in his mind. 

He hauled himself out of bed and went about getting ready for the day, his mind constantly on his lover. He wondered if he should stop thinking of d’Artagnan as his lover? 

A knock at the door had him pause with his dressing. He quickly pulled his boots on and walked to the door, his weapons were within reach as he opened it.

D’Artagnan stood in the hallway. He was not looking at him, just towards him. Aramis could not help smiling at the sight of the man he loved. Without thinking he stepped towards d’Artagnan ready to sweep him into a warm embrace. But d’Artagnan stepped away from him, shaking his head.

‘I’m sorry...I can’t,’ he said quietly.

Aramis looked down, he hated what they had become. His lover could not bear to be in physical contact with him.

‘Can I come in...I need to talk?’

Aramis stepped aside and allowed d’Artagnan to pass, he stood in the middle of the room.

‘You can sit down,’ said Aramis pointing at the couch hopefully. 

They had shared many memorable moments on the deep pink couch he had acquired from the palace. D’Artagnan pulled out one of the wooden chairs by the small table and sat down. Aramis reluctantly joined him.

‘I’d like to say a couple of things and I’d appreciate it if you could let me finish what I want to say…’

D’Artagnan finally looked Aramis in the eyes. Aramis saw pain and resentment there. He wondered who d’Artagnan resented?

‘What happened to us, it was neither of our faults, I understand that. I do not blame you for telling me to do what he wanted me to do. You could not have envisioned his ultimate plan. Please, Aramis, do not blame yourself for what happened...or how I am now.’

Aramis struggled not to say anything. All he really wanted to do was gather d’Artagnan into his arms but he could not. 

‘I don’t think I can be with you yet. I can’t be with you because I am still struggling to come to terms with what I did.’

The word ‘yet’ was the most wonderful thing Aramis had heard in days. It implied to Aramis that d’Artagnan envisioned them being together again in the future. Aramis kept his expression neutral as he continued to listen. 

‘I am finding it easier each day. I just think it would be better if we could be normal around each other in the garrison. So I will talk to you, I’m sorry if I’ve been quiet, but I’m finding it hard. I don’t want to draw attention to us by not behaving normally.’

Was d’Artagnan worried about what other people would think about them? Aramis wondered if questions had been asked about the change in d’Artagnan’s demeanour since their capture and assault.

D’Artagnan looked at him for a few seconds, it was obvious he had finished what he had come to say. 

‘I’m pleased you’ve at least managed to come to see me. I’ve missed you…’

Aramis reached out his hand about to rest it over d’Artagnan’s but his lover pulled his hand away. Aramis looked down blinking. 

‘I’m sorry, Aramis, I just can’t...be with you…I’m not sure if I can ever be with you again.’

‘I’ll wait,’ said Aramis looking back up at him, ‘I’ll wait as long as you need.’

D’Artagnan looked away, ‘I’m not sure how long it will take.’

A thought occurred to Aramis. A horrible thought. 

‘Just promise me you won’t go to strangers for sex.’

D’Artagnan’s eyes widened as he took in the statement from Aramis.

‘I don’t want you to put yourself at risk.’

‘Why would I want to be with a stranger?’ asked d’Artagnan.

‘Remember how we became what we are. You...needed...to be with a man. I know you only wanted that man to be me, but you still needed it.’

D’Artagnan reddened slightly at the inference, after a few seconds he nodded his understanding. 

‘I’ll be careful,’ he said.

Aramis reached out again, grabbing d’Artagnan’s hand firmly, preventing him from pulling away.

‘Promise me you will. If you need to...fuck a man, then please come to me. Use me if you have to. I’d rather you used me, didn’t talk to me whilst we were together and you left straight afterwards.’

D’Artagnan was about to speak again but Aramis spoke first.

‘Even if it means nothing. Even if it’s only to sate your urge. Please use me…’

After a few seconds, d’Artagnan nodded. Aramis had no idea if his lover would take him up on the offer. The thought of it did not appeal to Aramis, but if it meant d’Artagnan was safe and not either paying for sex, or finding men who were dangerous to sleep with, he was prepared to help him. 

D’Artagnan stood up from the table he turned to go but paused, ‘I promise I will be careful and that if I have no other choice I will come to you, but it wouldn’t be...loving...it wouldn’t be romantic...it would just be sex...and then I would leave.’

Aramis nodded 

‘I just want to know you are safe,’ he reiterated.

Without turning back d’Artagnan walked away, closing the door quietly behind him. Aramis watched the closed door for several minutes. He did not know what else to do. 

MMMM

Porthos decided he did not like the warm weather, at least not when it was as warm as it currently was. He had spent a couple of hours annoying some of the cadets and was now cooling off in the mess. It was quiet, Serge had bustled passed with a cup of cold water for him a few minutes before and then returned with some bread, meat and cheese. Porthos was starting to enjoy his break from the cadets when he found his quiet repast interrupted by d’Artagnan sitting opposite him. 

‘I went to see Aramis,’ he said.

Porthos paused mid-chew and raised an eyebrow. D’Artagnan continued.

‘I might have made it worse. I sort of told him I might never want to be with him again. That I might never be able to be with him…’

Porthos swallowed his food.

‘But if that’s true it’s only right that he should know.’

D’Artagnan looked down for a few seconds.

‘But it’s a lie.’

Porthos sighed, ‘talk to me. It won’t go any further, be candid.’

D’Artagnan had used him before to say things out loud to. He did not mind. Two of his best friends were suffering because of a horrific attack on them both. He wanted them back to their usual vibrant selves. And if that meant getting d'Artagnan to talk to him about personal issues he would gladly listen.

‘I want to sleep with him, but I just keep seeing me doing...that to him. Hurting him. I think it would have been better if he had known it was me, but I was told to be quiet or he would be killed. Porthos, I raped him. I raped my lover. How can it go back to normal after that.’

Porthos thought for a moment, he knew enough about their relationship to know that they both took equal roles. They never talked in detail about what they got up to but enough had been intimated during the time they had been together for Porthos to put two and two together. 

‘From what I understand about relationships like yours,’ said Porthos, ‘sometimes one party does one thing and the other does the...other.’

D’Artagnan thought for a few moments, ‘are you saying that we could still be together, but I wouldn’t have to, do everything?’

‘Aramis loves you, you love him. D’Artagnan we all love you and want you to recover from this. What you had to do was horrible. And what you are both still going through is horrible. But there is a way for you to move on. He would wait forever for you.’

‘That’s what he said...he even offered to let me...use him. If I felt the need to sleep with a man.’

Porthos knew Aramis was very worried that d’Artagnan would do what he had nearly done before they were in a relationship. The thought of the young man paying for sex appalled them all.

‘You need to know that he is blaming himself-’

‘I told him not to, I told him there was nothing that could have been done.’

Porthos shook his head, ‘telling Aramis, probably isn’t enough.’

D’Artagnan sighed, ‘you’re right.’

‘Tell him that you want to be with him, but that it can’t go back to the way it was. He’ll understand, just having you back in his life will mean the world to him. Trust me, I’ve known him longer than you.’

D’Artagnan finally managed a smile. Porthos went back to eating his food, batting d’Artagnan’s hand away when he tried to steal a piece of cheese. 

MMMM

After taking a few deep breaths d’Artagnan knocked at the door. It felt odd to knock at the door after all the times he had walked in. He had a key to the door at the back of the building after all. He was welcome there. He knew Aramis still welcomed him. It was him who had imposed the wall between them. 

D’Artagnan knew it was neither of their faults that the assault had occurred. He knew Aramis did not blame him. He knew that Athos and Porthos wanted him to get back to normal, but at the same time understood that it was not an easy task for him. 

The thought of what he had done, what he had been forced to do, he reminded himself, was abhorrent. D’Artagnan had to continually remind himself that it was a simple choice. Hurt Aramis or watch him die. There had been no choice at the time. There had been a moment when he thought it might have been better for them both to die, but that had been fleeting.

When the man had left and he had released Aramis he knew he had become distant to him, and to everyone else. He could not help himself. All he could see was Aramis strapped down unable to prevent the assault. All he could feel was him pushing into the scared man. The man who thought he was being assaulted by their captor. 

D’Artagnan looked at the floor for a few seconds. He had told Aramis he might never be able to sleep with him again. But he wanted to. He just wondered if he would be capable. 

The door opened. He looked up to see surprise on Aramis’ face. 

‘I didn’t think you’d come back so soon,’ said Aramis. 

D’Artagnan knew he had to be direct.

‘I...er...spoke to Porthos,’ he said.

Aramis managed a smile, ‘he’s good at listening and pointing out the obvious things that you want to ignore.’

D’Artagnan nodded, ‘I lied earlier.’

Aramis did not respond.

‘I said I didn’t think I could ever be with you again, but really I want to. I just...I just don’t know how…’

‘I told you I’d wait. I don’t care how long it takes you. I really don’t...just knowing that you’ll come back to me is enough.’

‘Thank you.’

D’Artagnan took a small step forward, Aramis understood the intent and wrapped his arms around him. The feeling of safety he experienced as Aramis held him was probably what he needed the most. Aramis was not judging him or trying to get him to do things he was not ready to do. His lover just wanted to be there for him. And d’Artagnan knew that was a good start.

MMMM

Aramis knew it was a mission with an ulterior motive. The missive delivery did not really need two of them. The message was not sensitive, it was not intelligence that needed to be kept from the enemies hands. He did not know the contents of the letter but it was clearly not important. They were also being given a few days longer than necessary to deliver it. Treville had told them he did not expect to see them for three weeks. He had also told them he was happy for them to use the main roads and stop at taverns along the way, even going as far as to drop a money bag into d’Artagnan’s hand to help pay for the room and board. 

D’Artagnan had quietly thanked Treville and left to ready their horses. Aramis lingered in the office. 

‘You both know why I’m doing this,’ said Treville, ‘I need him back to normal and from what Athos told me this morning he’s made a start.’

Aramis nodded, ‘he’s starting to accept it wasn’t his fault and he’s not being as uncommunicative with us...with me...as he was.’

Treville smiled, ‘good. Go and find my enthusiastic Musketeer.’

Aramis nodded, ‘thank you, Captain.’

The Captain dismissed him with a wave of his hand and went back to his work. Aramis made his way to the stables where he found d’Artagnan saddling his horse. Aramis’ mare stood, already saddled, waiting patiently. 

‘I’ve got us some food for today, we can stop at your rooms for anything you need,’ said d’Artagnan.

‘Are you alright with this?’

D’Artagnan paused, he turned to look at Aramis, an unusually shy smile on his face.

‘Yes. It’s a bit like starting again, isn’t it? I really want us to get back to how we were. I’m not sure if I can do...everything...we did before, but I’m willing to try. And three weeks with just the two of us…’

Aramis said, ‘there is no rush though. None of us want you to feel pressurised. What we, what I, really want, is for you to be more like...well, you. And if us just being near each other is enough to make that happen then I will be happy. Obviously, I still miss being close to you, but that can wait, for as long as necessary.’

D’Artagnan nodded, ‘thank you.’

‘Let’s get off then.’

MMMM

D’Artagnan had picked the spot to water the horses. Aramis had allowed his lover to lead them away from the road to the edge of the gentle stream. 

Their conversations had been somewhat stilted once they were out of the city. A few times they had simply stopped talking and rode in silence. There had been no need to push the horses due to the extra time they had to make their delivery. Aramis had been content to allow d’Artagnan to pick their topics of discussion, which had ranged from the surrounding area and farming in general to which of the current cadets were going to be commissioned first. 

The talk had never strayed towards their relationship, or why they were on the simple mission or what had happened to leave them in the predicament they were.

As he dismounted he looked around the clearing by the stream. It was not private, there was evidence that it was well used to water horses from the tracks on the ground, they were likely to be joined by others at any moment. 

D’Artagnan took the reins from him and led the horses to the water, the horses bowed their heads and drank. D’Artagnan left them, they would not wander too far whilst their masters ate a simple meal.

Aramis had pulled out some of their food and settled on the ground leaning against a wide tree trunk. D’Artagnan did not hesitate, he sat next to Aramis, close enough for their shoulders to be touching. Aramis knew it could not have been easy, but the fact that d’Artagnan had chosen to sit where he did showed the young man’s determination to recover. To anyone else, the fact they were sitting close together would not mean a thing, but to Aramis it meant everything. Other than their embrace the previous day he had not had contact with his lover since the assault. Aramis saw the move as a small but significant step. 

MMMM

Not rushing was becoming d’Artagnan’s mantra. He did not want to push himself too hard with Aramis, which was difficult when he saw how pleased his lover was when he sat next to him as they shared bread and cheese. He had thought about sitting a couple of feet away, or opposite Aramis, but decided that he could sit with him. 

He had hidden a gasp as some unwanted images flooded his memory as their shoulders had touched. He had hoped that the shake in his hand had not been noticed when Aramis passed him bread. Aramis had not remarked upon it. Perhaps he had not noticed?

Getting back in the saddle was a relief. The simple act of sitting so close to Aramis had drained him. He had felt tense but he did not want Aramis to know that. They had managed to talk, the conversation, this time about their horses had flowed fairly well. He was gradually finding it easier to talk. But talk was not touch. And touch was what his tactile lover really wanted. D’Artagnan wanted to give it, but was unsure if he really could.

At their next stop, a pretty pond on the outskirts of a village they again let the horses look after themselves. D’Artagnan stood at the edge of the water watching some insects buzzing around the grasses. 

Aramis stopped beside him, ‘I think we can push on for another couple of hours. We’ll be in the middle of nowhere. Will you be alright with camping?’

D’Artagnan nodded, although he was filled with worry at the thought. They would pick somewhere secluded to set up camp. They would be alone. Would Aramis try to have some contact?

He realised Aramis was looking at him, ‘I’m not forcing you,’ he said, as if he had read d’Artagnan’s mind, ‘we can stop sooner at the tavern about an hour from here. We could take separate rooms if you would prefer.’

D’Artagnan managed a smile, ‘no, we can camp.’

To underline his words he reached out and took Aramis’ hand, interlacing their fingers, he turned to face Aramis. 

‘I really am trying. I just need to…’

‘And I really am happy to wait.’

D’Artagnan nodded before breaking off contact with Aramis as they heard the approach of a horse. A lone rider had appeared, obviously intending to use the pond to water his horse. They nodded a greeting to the man as they mounted up and went on their way. The moment between them lost.

Aramis had a smile on his face as they rode away. D’Artagnan hoped he was not giving him a false impression.


	7. Chapter 7

When d’Artagnan had taken his hand, Aramis had struggled not to overreact. He wanted to take his lover fully in his arms and kiss him. He longed to have d’Artagnan back, properly back. The slow approach was necessary, Aramis knew that, but he hated it. He recalled when it had been him that was reluctant to engage in anything remotely intimate with d’Artagnan. He knew now how frustrating it must have been for d’Artagnan and why his lover had been so utterly devastated when he had tried to encourage him a little too much.

Aramis did not want to make that mistake. He had to hold back, he had to let d’Artagnan take the lead. The circumstances were different. It was odd, it had been him who was assaulted but d’Artagnan was the one who was really paying the price. 

Aramis knew just the spot to camp, it was off the road and they were unlikely to be disturbed. Not that they would be doing anything, but they would not want company. D’Artagnan needed peace and not to be worrying about other things. 

As they went about setting up their camp Aramis lay his bedroll out near the fire. D’Artagnan was still taking the tack off the horses as Aramis wandered off to see if he could find some rabbits to shoot. He wondered where his lover would choose to sleep. Rather like the incident earlier Aramis wanted d’Artagnan to choose. Aramis hoped to return and find d’Artagnan’s bedroll next to his, but he would not say anything if it was on the other side of the fire. 

When he returned, empty-handed, he had to hide a smile when he saw the bedrolls together. D’Artagnan was busy sorting out their food, he glanced up.

‘I guessed that the lack of gunshots meant you were unlucky,’ he said with a grin. 

‘I was unfortunate to step on a twig which, when it snapped, appears to have alerted all the local fauna that they were in danger. Not a rabbit to be found.’

He settled by the fire sat on his bedroll. He accepted the plate of food d’Artagnan had prepared. He watched as his lover poked at the fire for a few minutes with a stick until he seemed satisfied with it and settled next to him and began to eat his food. 

‘Are you having dreams about it?’ asked Aramis tentatively. 

D’Artagnan continued to chew on the bread for a few seconds. Aramis could tell he was thinking about how to respond.

‘You don’t have to talk about it...but you know it helps...it’s just odd that it’s...us. And not some other person involved,’ Aramis said as d’Artagnan continued to muse over a response.

‘Not dreams as such, although there have been. It’s more like flashes of memory at odd moments...When I sat with you earlier, it happened then.’

‘Sorry-’

‘No, Aramis, you can’t predict when something is going to appear in my mind.’

Aramis was heartened when d’Artagnan reached for his hand again, pulling it across to rest on his knee as he continued to eat.

‘I want to be near you.’

‘You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that,’ replied Aramis. ‘I really thought I had lost you for good, that our relationship would be damaged beyond repair and that it would not have been either of our faults.’

‘I’ll get there-’

‘I know,’ said Aramis with a squeeze of his hand. 

The simple contact was again very welcome. He hoped there would be more, but he had to wait for d’Artagnan to make the move.

MMMM

Aramis actually felt nervous as he lay down on the bedroll, he watched d’Artagnan hesitate for a few moments before laying back. There was a pause before d’Artagnan turned to lie on his side, he moved his arm to lay across Aramis’ chest. Aramis reached up and held his lover's hand loosely.

D’Artagnan managed a smile and nodded, ‘sleep well,’ he said. 

Aramis looked at d’Artagnan for a few seconds as the younger man closed his eyes. There was a definite tenseness in his features. Aramis hoped that his move to touch him was not too much too soon. He deliberately kept his hold loose on d’Artagnan’s hand. If his lover needed to move away he would not stop him.

After a few minutes, d’Artagnan began to relax, his breathing settled as he fell asleep. Aramis watched him for a little longer before closing his own eyes, content with the progress they had already made. 

MMMM

D’Artagnan pulled away with force. Aramis, who had been sleeping lightly due to being outside was alert in a second. He pushed himself up onto one elbow and looked at his lover. D’Artagnan was breathing fast and clearly agitated. 

Aramis reached for his lover and pulled him into an embrace. He did not want to see the man suffer. The instant d’Artagnan reacted Aramis knew he had done the wrong thing. D’Artagnan struggled away from him, pushing him back forcefully. When d’Artagnan turned to him, a look of confusion on his face and tears in his eyes, Aramis realised he should not have tried to hold his lover and ease his suffering. The contact was not welcomed. 

D’Artagnan looked horrified, he scrambled to his feet.

‘I’m sorry...I...I can’t…’ he said as he walked away.

Aramis did not try to stop him, knowing that he had caused d’Artagnan’s distress. The young man stopped walking at the edge of the clearing and sat down heavily on an exposed tree root. He had his back to Aramis, his head in his hands. 

Aramis flopped back to the ground, staring at the sky. It was starting to get light. 

He felt annoyed at himself for trying to help d’Artagnan in the manner that he had. It had been a natural reaction, but it had been wrong. He should have remembered, d’Artagnan did not want to touch him. Did not want to be near him. 

No.

It was not that he did not want to be near Aramis, it was that he could not be near him. At least not yet. Aramis had to be patient, had to go at d’Artagnan’s pace. He was annoyed at himself for failing. 

Had he just made it worse? Had he pushed his lover further away by trying to comfort him?

It was a few minutes before d’Artagnan returned. Aramis watched him, he managed to sit next to him.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘You don’t need to apologise, it’s me who was wrong, I shouldn’t have tried to be too...close to you. I’m sorry.’

D’Artagnan was quiet for a few moments before responding.

‘I was dreaming about when I had to burn him,’ said d’Artagnan quietly. ‘Only I hesitated too long and they burnt you instead...you were screaming and I just wanted you to pass out, but you kept screaming…’

‘But you didn’t hesitate, just remember that. I wasn’t burnt.’

‘I know, but it felt so real, when you grabbed me, in my dream, it was one of the men holding me back.’

‘Sorry…’

D’Artagnan managed a smile.

‘What?’

‘It makes a change for you to apologise for something that you’ve actually done.’

Aramis returned the smile. He hoped he had not damaged the fragile progress they had already made too much with his lack of thought. At least d’Artagnan had felt able to tell him what was going on in his mind. 

MMMM

As they settled back to sleep, or at least try for the last couple of hours before it was fully light, d’Artagnan could not help but feel disappointed. He had tried to be close to Aramis, he had been able to touch him, just the slightest touch was difficult but he had persevered. Each time he touched Aramis he feared getting another flash of memory and image of his lover tied to the bench or the sound of him screaming through the gag. Sometimes the images appeared, sometimes they did not. 

He had to accept that he had not forgiven himself for what he had done. Aramis may have absolved him, the others had insisted that he had no choice, but he was the one who was struggling with vindicating himself. 

D’Artagnan knew that what he was going through was just as hard for Aramis. His lover was keen for them to get back to normal and although he kept saying he could wait and d’Artagnan knew Aramis would, he did not want to keep his lover waiting. Aramis had taught him everything, supported him, understood him, and been there for him. He owed his lover to try. And he owed it to himself to try. 

What had happened was not his fault. It was not Aramis’ fault. They were the ones who were suffering at the hands of another man. Knowing that the man responsible was dead had not really helped him. The damage had already been done.

‘We’re not going to get back to sleep,’ said Aramis after a few minutes. 

His lover was lying on his back, staring at the sky.

‘I know,’ replied d’Artagnan. ‘It’s not fair, is it. I know Clemont, is dead, and I’m glad he won’t be doing what he did to anyone else, but it hasn’t helped us has it.’

‘No,’ sighed Aramis.

‘We take it slow,’ said d’Artagnan with a determination. 

He pushed himself up to sit and looked down at his lover who refocused to look at him with a smile. 

‘We’ll go at your pace. I will do my best not to touch you without your permission.’

D’Artagnan chuckled, ‘I’m not a fragile package...or a Royal.’

‘You are to me,’ replied Aramis.

MMMM

Each time they stopped during the course of the day d’Artagnan made sure he touched Aramis. He forced himself to sling his arm across his shoulders to start with. He lasted a few seconds before he had to step away.

He took Aramis hand, he managed to keep hold of him for a few minutes before images of his lover being tied to the bench interfered with his thoughts. 

When he leaned into Aramis at one point he was forced to move away when he remembered the feeling of pushing into him, knowing that Aramis had thought it was the man assaulting him, not his lover. 

Aramis had not reacted to the touches and did not comment on d’Artagnan’s quickened breathing. Aramis was playing his part, letting him dictate the pace, why could he not play his role in their recovery?

Take. It. Slow.

D’Artagnan had to keep repeating his mantra, he knew he was rushing himself. He wanted to please Aramis, but he would not please his lover by being responsible for pushing themselves further apart. His confused feelings continued. The image of him assaulting his lover, his scared lover, continued to haunt him. 

‘I think we could walk the horses for a bit, I could do with some time out of the saddle,’ suggested Aramis as they packed away the food after a quick lunch. 

D’Artagnan nodded, he had not sat with Aramis, instead choosing to sit a few feet away looking out across some rolling countryside. As he pulled himself up to stand he noticed that Aramis was not looking at him. His lover looked a little downcast. D’Artagnan sighed, Aramis was blaming himself again. D’Artagnan hated it. Hated it all.

Aramis took his mare’s reins and started to walk the horse away. D’Artagnan followed Aramis’ example falling into step with his lover. 

After a few seconds, he realised what Aramis had done. He was walking to d’Artagnan’s right, his horse’s reins held in his right hand, his left hand lose at his side. D’Artagnan was walking with his horse’s reins held in his left hand. D’Artagnan could not help a smile. The road was quiet where they were and the area was open. They could see for some distance in all directions. 

He tentatively reached out and took Aramis’ hand. Aramis did not resist. They walked together. 

‘I know this is difficult for you,’ said d’Artagnan, ‘you like contact, you always want to be touching someone…’

D’Artagnan paused for a moment before continuing.

‘You know Athos hates it,’ he sniggered.

Aramis tried not to react for a few seconds before smirking with a nod, ‘that’s why I do it.’

D’Artagnan laughed. A genuine laugh, he felt Aramis tighten his grip slightly for a few seconds. No horrible images came to his mind. A small sliver of progress. 

D’Artagnan continued to smile as they made idle conversation about inconsequential things. They may have been skirting the subject but they were also dealing with it at the same time. 

Aramis was doing his best to help d’Artagnan and d’Artagnan loved him for it. 

MMMM

Aramis turned on his side, away from d’Artagnan who appeared to be asleep. The young man had again settled next to him, although there was no attempt to touch him this time. Perhaps the proximity was all his lover could manage? He still felt annoyed for what had happened the previous night. D’Artagnan had been very understanding about it but Aramis should have let the dream run its course, he should not have tried to help his lover. 

He sighed, sleep was again evading him. He listened to the even breaths of d’Artagnan behind him. At least his lover was resting better than he had done. Perhaps it was the lack of contact that had helped him to fall into an undisturbed sleep. Aramis hoped not. The thought of them never being together again horrified him. They had built up a solid relationship over the three years they had been together. It had started very slowly and tentatively but they were now very at ease in each others company.

Or at least they had been. 

If all they managed on their journey was to reach a point where d’Artagnan was not suffering flashes of memory just by touching Aramis would it be a good thing? Would d’Artagnan then be suitably recovered to carry on? Would that be the end of their relationship?

Aramis could not really imagine what life would be like without d'Artagnan being his lover. They would still see each other all the time, but Aramis would not be able to take d’Artagnan to his bed, or be taken as was often the case, he thought with a sad smile. They would not lay in each other's arms at night, they would not tease each other relentlessly before giving satisfaction, they would never share a stolen kiss in a dark alleyway or in the stables.

It would all be gone. 

Aramis sniffed, he wiped his eyes, he did not want d’Artagnan to see him crying. The young man was still blaming himself and Aramis did not want to make it any worse.

D’Artagnan shifted behind him. Aramis tensed up slightly when he felt his lover turn on his side and lean into him. Aramis waited for d’Artagnan to be shocked awake and pull away. Aramis wondered if he should move away, but he could not. 

The contact that he so desperately craved was too good to lose. Was he being selfish by not moving? D’Artagnan might react badly when he woke up, but Aramis did not move.

D’Artagnan slipped his arm around Aramis. Without thinking, Aramis reach up and gently clutched the hand. D’Artagnan tightened his grip slightly but did not react in any other way. Aramis wondered if his lover was awake? Was the move deliberate? Or had he simply turned in his sleep and moved to lie next to him as they had done hundreds of times in the past?

D’Artagnan’s breathing was steady, Aramis started to relax, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of closeness to his lover, the closest they had been for some time. 

MMMM

Aramis was woken by a startled bird darting out of the trees above him. He realised d’Artagnan was not lying with him any longer, he rolled onto his back and looked across to his lover's bedroll. The man was missing from their camp completely.

Panic swept through Aramis like wildfire, he frantically looked around in all directions. D’Artagnan was nowhere to be seen. His heartbeat increased along with the speed of his breaths as he started to pull himself up to stand.

When d’Artagnan appeared from the direction of the nearest stream Aramis sat back heavily and sighed. 

‘Are you alright?’ asked d’Artagnan with obvious concern.

Aramis nodded. He took a few moments to settle his breathing.

‘When I woke up and you weren’t there...I…’

D’Artagnan smiled, ‘sorry, I thought I’d be back before you woke, you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you.’

‘Do you know what you did last night?’ asked Aramis tentatively.

D’Artagnan nodded a little shyly.

‘It wasn’t a conscious move, I woke up like that...and stayed there. I think I fell asleep again. I also know it was the best sleep I’ve had for...well since before….’

Aramis nodded with a smile as he watched d’Artagnan build up the fire again. His lover sorted out some food and sat next to him, close enough to be touching him. Aramis was pleased when d’Artagnan put his arm around him and left it there as they ate. Aramis leaned into his lover.

The progress, even if it had not been a conscious act on d’Artagnan’s part, had boosted both of their spirits. 

As they saddled the horses, Aramis watched d’Artagnan, who was definitely walking with a spring in his step. 

‘Do you want to sleep in a real bed tonight?’ asked d’Artagnan, he was looking away as he spoke. 

‘Fed up with bread and cheese?’ asked Aramis in return.

D’Artagnan paused and turned back to him, ‘I’m not saying we’re going to do anything but, it might be more comfortable in a proper bed again.’

Aramis nodded, ‘there’s a good tavern with soft beds in the next town that I’ve used before,’ he said.

Aramis was a little surprised when d’Artagnan walked up to him and with barely a pause pulled him into a hug. Aramis pus his arms around his lover and held him. 

‘Thank you,’ said d’Artagnan quietly.

‘For what?’

‘For being so patient with me…’

‘I told you I would wait, it’s hard, but I’ll wait,’ replied Aramis.

D’Artagnan pushed away from the embrace and walked back to his horse. Aramis wondered if the progress they had again made would be shot down by some insignificant move by one of them. 

He prayed it would not be.

MMMM

The thick steaming stew was laid in front of them both. Aramis sniffed appreciatively.

‘My compliments to the chef,’ he said.

‘You cheeky so and so,’ said the plump woman with a light slap of Aramis’ arm. ‘I made it this morning, and I doubt you’d be paying me any compliments.’

Aramis took her hand and kissed her fingers, maintaining eye contact with her as he did so. D’Artagnan shook his head and rolled his eyes as he watched his smiling lover work his charm on the landlord's wife.

‘Madam,’ he said, ‘all fine ladies deserve to be complimented.’

The woman smiled at him before bustling away. The landlord nodded to Aramis with a chuckle from across the room before going back to his conversation with a couple of men.

‘Is there anyone you can’t charm?’ asked d’Artagnan.

‘I’ve not met a challenge I wasn’t willing to attempt yet,’ replied his lover.

They had stopped at the small tavern after being told by another traveller that the stew was particularly good that day. Their horses were enjoying a rub down by a couple of young lads that had smiled from ear to ear when d’Artagnan had pushed a coin into each of their hands. A couple of hours break from the dusty road was welcomed by the musketeers and their horses.

As they ate they listened to the conversations going on around them. Most of the patrons were talking about the mundane day to day life of farmers, but a small group of soldiers from a different regiment were dominating the conversation. D’Artagnan found their words to be increasingly worrisome, particularly as he watched Aramis’ reaction.

‘So you saw ‘im being flogged?’

‘Yeah, they didn’t stop at a few strokes either they kept going ‘til he passed out. Then they cut ‘im down and dumped him in a cell.’

‘Is it true that he never confessed, even after all that they did to him?’

The man who was the centre of attention on the table nodded.

‘Not a word. When they killed the other one, they had him taken out to watch. I was one of the guards that took him. He could barely walk, we was pretty much dragging him. He whimpered in pain, but other than that didn’t say a word. Most men who gets interrogated, they talk real quick. But ‘e kept quiet, just kept sayin’ he ain’t slept with a man...I believed ‘im. Ain’t no one can stand that much pain without confessing. I’ve seen men confess to stuff that isn’t even true to stop it.’

The three other soldiers were paying rapt attention to their friend. D’Artagnan glanced at Aramis who was staring at the table, his hand, holding the spoon, was shaking. Quietly, d’Artagnan reached out and took the spoon from Aramis’ hand before he started to knock it on the wooden table. They did not need to draw attention to themselves. D’Artagnan was a little worried that the man, who must have been a Chatelet guard when Aramis had been arrested and held there, might recognise him. 

‘We let ‘im go in front of the breaking wheel and he just slumped to the floor, he was leaning against me. Probably thought ‘e was gonna be done in there and then.’

‘Poor bastard,’ said one of the other men.

‘Brave bastard,’ said the first soldier, ‘when his mates came and took ‘im, not long after, he managed to walk out. They ‘ad to help ‘im but he did it.’

The other men nodded their approval.

‘A lot of us got reassigned after that,’ said the man, ‘I would ‘ave liked to have known if he recovered. I heard that he did. Good luck to ‘im I say.’

The other men muttered their agreement. 

‘Let’s go,’ said d’Artagnan quietly. 

Aramis managed a shaky nod and slipped his hat on, pulling it low so that his face was partially covered. They had not put their pauldrons on so were not obviously soldiers themselves, d’Artagnan hoped they could leave without any fuss. He needed to get his lover away from the painful memories. 

D’Artagnan gently steered Aramis towards the stables. The horses were ready for them, the stable boys had disappeared, no doubt to spend their money. 

Aramis leaned back against the wall and took a few deep breaths.

‘Come on,’ said d’Artagnan when it became apparent his lover needed to be encouraged to mount up. 

Aramis allowed d’Artagnan to help him mount up and even lead his horse from the stable. They walked the horses to the outskirts of the village. D’Artagnan did not think anyone had noticed their slightly premature disappearance. He hoped the landlady would not think they had disliked her stew.

When they were out of sight of the village d’Artagnan walked his horse closer to Aramis’ and leaned across to squeeze his lovers arm. Aramis still looked a little unfocused as the painful memories filled his mind. 

As they continued to move away from the village, d’Artagnan realised he had not had one flash of his own painful memories during the incident. Had his worry for Aramis pushed his own issues away, or was it another indication that he was getting over his own trauma?

MMMM

‘I’m sorry,’ Aramis said with a shake to his voice.

‘Why?’ asked d’Artagnan, looking at him with concern.

‘It occurred to me that I’m expecting you to recover from your issues but you aren’t expecting me to recover from...that…’

‘You’re never going to recover from that. Aramis you’ve said yourself that you doubt you’ll ever get over it. You were nearly executed. No one would expect you to recover from that.’

Aramis looked at d’Artagnan, ‘but I’m selfishly wanting you back to normal-’

‘No, we both want me back to normal. I miss being with you as well don’t forget,’ d’Artagnan paused with a smile, ‘this isn’t all about you missing me.’

Aramis nodded. He felt a little pathetic for his reaction to what the soldiers had been saying. The memories were painful, and despite his outward appearance were never really far from the forefront of his mind. 

It occurred to him as they put more distance between them and the former Chatelet guard that d’Artagnan had not hesitated to touch him and help him during the incident. His lover had taken his hand, even put an arm around his waist when he needed encouragement to keep moving. Not once had d’Artagnan seemed tense holding him. 

The disagreeable incident had shown Aramis that d’Artagnan could put his own issues aside if necessary. A good step, thought Aramis, he just wanted his lover to be able to put the issues aside when they were alone.


	8. Chapter 8

They continued following the same pattern. D’Artagnan set the pace, being close to Aramis when he felt he could, but keeping away when the flashes of memory returned to haunt him. D’Artagnan knew that Aramis was missing him greatly and craved the contact. When it happened his lover seemed to relax. D’Artagnan found that he was less and less tense each time he touched Aramis. He wondered if the incident at the tavern had helped in some way?

It had left Aramis a little shaken and quiet, almost reversing their roles for a few hours. D’Artagnan had wanted to embrace his lover as they left the tavern, and under normal circumstances, he would have done, but he had stopped himself. If he were to have a flash of his own bad memories and push Aramis away when his lover was suffering with his own issues it would surely make the matter far worse. D’Artagnan decided to just keep close to Aramis with the occasional contact as they had been doing before they had overheard the other soldiers talking.

‘Do you know the man we’re delivering this to?’ asked d’Artagnan as he held up the missive.

D’Artagnan had been turning the bundle of papers, carefully wrapped up and sealed, in his hands. They would reach their destination later that day.

‘I’ve heard of him,’ replied Aramis, ‘but never met him. I think Monsieur Petit is of noble stock but doesn’t really conduct himself as such. He’s a landowner who actually works his land with his tenants. Although he’s not ashamed of his wealth, I’ve heard he holds elaborate parties occasionally. I think his chateau is big.’

‘I wonder if he’ll feed us?’ mused d’Artagnan, as they packed up the last of their food.

‘I hope so, when was our last proper meal?’

‘At the tavern with the soldiers,’ said d’Artagnan.

The smile on Aramis’ face faltered.

‘Oh. Sorry,’ said Aramis, ‘I rather spoiled that one didn’t I.’

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ said d’Artagnan stepping up to Aramis. 

For a moment d'Artagnan hesitated then he leaned in and kissed Aramis, who reciprocated almost immediately. It was brief but it was welcomed. D’Artagnan held onto his lover for a few seconds before stepping away. Neither man mentioned it, but both knew it was a significant step forward. They had not kissed since they were taken captive. D’Artagnan enjoyed seeing the spark of joy in his lover's eyes and the smile play across his lips. 

They mounted up and continued their journey, dropping back to the tried and tested conversations about their surroundings and nothing in particular.

MMMM

The chateau was indeed impressive, thought d’Artagnan, as they approached later in the afternoon. Although it would be even more impressive if it were not covered in scaffolding. It was obvious Monsieur Petit was having extensive work done to his home. Several workmen were clambering around, moving building materials, whilst the more skilled labourers were working on stone and wood to bring the building to life. 

A young man approached them as they dismounted at the door to the property. He reached out for the reins to the horses.

‘The master is waiting for you. He said you can just go in, his study is the first door on the left. He apologises for not coming out but he’s injured his ankle,’ said the man with a smile, ‘I’ll see to your horses and bags.’

D’Artagnan nodded his thanks as the young man walked off around the building, leading the compliant horses away.

Aramis was already walking towards the door to the chateau as d’Artagnan turned back. The door was open, a couple of men were busy fitting an impressive lock as they walked passed. Aramis glanced back at him and smiled.

‘Not what I was expecting,’ he said as he looked around the large hallway.

The hallway, like the exterior of the house, was being renovated. More scaffolding had been built around the staircase and several men were meticulously cleaning and maintaining the intricate carvings on the underside of the stairs. 

‘This one, I guess,’ said d’Artagnan as he stepped toward the first door on their left.

He knocked on the half-open door and peered in, a voice from within the room bid them enter. D’Artagnan pushed the door fully open and stepped in. 

The study seemed to be the only place that had not been touched by the renovation work. Although it was slightly cluttered by a few displaced objects piled by the wall near the door. D’Artagnan noticed a couch that had been made up as a bed near a window and a small table with the remains of a meal waiting to be cleared. 

‘Hello, there,’ said the nobleman, ‘I’m Jacques Petit. Forgive me for not getting up, but I rather, unfortunately, fell from my horse yesterday and have injured my ankle.’

The man, who d’Artagnan guessed was in his forties, was reclining on a cushioned chair with one foot propped up on a footstool. He was dressed plainly, but the clothing was well made. He was smiling and welcoming to them both, indicating a chair near his.

‘I was only expecting one of you,’ continued Petit, ‘perhaps you could bring that chair from over there.’

Petit indicated a second chair by the door. Aramis nodded and did as he was asked. Once the two Musketeers were sat in front of the nobleman, d’Artagnan handed him the packet of papers. 

‘Ah,’ said Petit, who almost sounded disappointed, ‘dull political paperwork.’

He sighed, overdramatically, before smiling at them both. He tossed the papers onto his desk, and turned back to them.

‘You’ve had a long journey and I expect you to stay the night. I’ll not have France’s soldiers without their well-earned rest in a proper bed-’

He paused for a moment before continuing.

‘Trouble is,’ he said, ‘as you may have noticed I’ve got some men in doing a few odd jobs about the place.’

He winked at them. D’Artagnan had warmed to the genial man straight away.

‘So there’s only one room ready, as I said, I was only expecting one of you.’

The man looked at them both. It was clear he was expecting an explanation as to why there were two men delivering his paperwork. Aramis was the first to reply.

‘I was on light duties, monsieur-’

‘Jacques, please. I don’t like all the formal stuff when I don’t have to.’

Aramis smiled and started again, ‘I was on light duties...Jacques, and have only just returned. The Captain thought it would be good to ease me back in with a relatively simple assignment.’

‘I see. Were you injured?’

D’Artagnan tensed up slightly, he did not think their host had noticed. He wondered what Aramis would say?

‘Yes. I was unfortunate to be sparing with an over-enthusiastic cadet who did not fully understand that the sparing had finished. As I turned to go he struck me across the hip. The injury was not too bad, but was awkward. I couldn’t easily get about for a few days.’

D’Artagnan was impressed, he wondered if Aramis had already come up with a reason for the two of them taking on the simple assignment. Petit obviously believed Aramis. The man winced in sympathy and nodded.

‘Accidents happen,’ he said, nodding towards his own injury. ‘I shall be glad when I can get about properly again. Much as I am looking forward to the renovations being finished, being stuck in the middle of it is quite oppressive.’

Both Musketeers nodded.

‘But, back to my slight dilemma. As I was only expecting one of you I’ve only got one room ready. Most of the other rooms are either being worked on or used as storage. The place is in such a state. I should have just moved out until it was all done,’ he said. ‘The room is big, and there is a couch, rather like that one.’

He pointed towards the couch that d’Artagnan guessed he was using as his bed whilst he was injured.

‘But the bed is big. I suspect you lads are used to sleeping in close quarters anyway. You could easily share the bed and not even notice each other. And you won’t be disturbed, once this lot are gone for the night it’s quiet. I’ve only a couple of staff that stay the night. If you want anything you will have to help yourself at the moment...and you will need to lock the door. I have a dog who has been known to push door handles down and sneak into rooms at night...’

Aramis nodded, ‘I’m sure we’ll muddle through. We have certainly slept in worse conditions.’

Petit roared with laughter, ‘good,’ he said. ‘I do still have a pretty good kitchen on the go, these workers are a hungry bunch, so I’ve kept the kitchen staff on whilst the work goes on. We shall dine well and you can tell me about Paris and what my friend Treville is getting up to.’

‘You know Treville?’ asked d’Artagnan, unable to hide his surprise.

‘Yes,’ said Petit, ‘we grew up together. We used to get up to no end of mischief…’

Petit looked at them both. D’Artagnan noticed that Aramis looked just as surprised.

‘He didn’t tell you we were friends. Oh, the stories I shall tell you about him…’

D’Artagnan wondered if this had been their Captain’s plan. He wondered if Treville knew they would end up sharing a room at the chateau? They were going to be in a big bed, expected to share and expected to lock the door. It was almost as if something was supposed to be happening between them. Surely the whole trip could not have been contrived to help him get over the trauma of what he had been forced to do?

He glanced at Aramis who looked equally thoughtful, perhaps his lover was wondering the same thing?

MMMM

Monsieur Petit had been true to his word. They had dined will. The room was cluttered and dusty and smelled of wood shavings and paint but the food made up for it. The two servants were amiable and obviously treated well by their master. 

Petit apologised several times for the state his house was in but the two Musketeers had told him it was not an inconvenience to them and they enjoyed listening to him talk them through his renovations. 

After the sumptuous meal, they retired to the nobleman’s study. D’Artagnan led the way as Aramis helped the injured man to hobble through. Petit had told the servants they could retire, and that their guests were more than capable of looking after themselves before settling himself in his chair. The man allowed Aramis to look at his injury when he found out that he was a field medic. 

They had chatted for a while as they sipped on expensive spirits. The talk had ranged from battles and skirmishes, to what Palace gossip they could share and to the latest fashions in Paris. 

After an hour, sensing that their host was tiring, Aramis had suggested that they retire to bed. Petit had assured them he could look after himself and had all that he would need until the servants rose the following morning. He bid them goodnight and said that he looked forward to a further conversation over breakfast the following morning. 

D’Artagnan led them up the stairs using a candle to light the way. A full moon added further illumination, casting odd shadows from the scaffolding around the stairs. 

They found their room and stepped inside. One of the servants had been in earlier, lighting candles and setting out water for them to wash. Their saddlebags were laid neatly on a side table. 

The bed was indeed big. D’Artagnan looked at it longingly. The few hours relaxing with their host had almost had him forget their secondary mission. 

Almost. 

It had lingered there at the back of his mind. And now it was all he could think of. He felt himself flinch very slightly as Aramis locked the door behind him. His lover stepped up to him and gently took the candlestick from him, looking him in the eyes as he did so. 

‘Are you alright?’

D’Artagnan thought for a moment, ‘yes, a little apprehensive perhaps.’

‘Why?’

D’Artagnan looked at the bed.

Aramis looked a little shocked, ‘I hope you don’t think I was expecting us to do something? I’m trying not to rush you...did I give you some kind of indica-’

D’Artagnan knew what he had to do. His lover was getting worked up at the thought he was somehow rushing him into being intimate again.

D’Artagnan grabbed him and kissed him, his arms around him pulling him tight. Aramis took a moment to respond, slightly distracted by still holding the candlestick. But his other arm was soon pushing through d’Artagnan’s hair as their kiss continued. 

When d’Artagnan decided that Aramis’ fear had been allayed he pushed his lover away with a smile.

‘You have not rushed me. I want to try. I’m getting less and less flashes of memories...didn’t get any just then,’ he said, his smile turning to a cheeky grin.

Aramis nodded, the reassurance d’Artagnan had given seemed to have worked. 

‘Let’s take it slowly then,’ said his lover before putting the candle down on a side table and sitting on the edge of the bed. ‘Undress me?’

D’Artagnan paused for a moment before stepping forward. Aramis had pulled his boots off and sat back watching him. He quickly kicked his own boots off and moved closer. He pushed Aramis back on the bed. His lover shifted himself further onto the soft bed. D’Artagnan followed him, before arranging himself to sit astride Aramis, stilling his movement. Aramis looked up at him in anticipation but did not move.

Leaning forward, d’Artagnan kissed Aramis again for a few seconds before pulling his shirt loose. He pushed the shirt up Aramis’ chest before leaning in again and laying kisses across the bare skin. Aramis stifled a small moan of pleasure. D’Artagnan guessed he was trying not to get too involved. Wanting d’Artagnan to set the pace. 

He pushed the shirt fully off Aramis and tossed it aside. Before he could start working on his lover's breeches Aramis slipped his hand around d’Artagnan’s waist and pulled at his shirt. D’Artagnan tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

‘I thought you were letting me set the pace?’

Aramis bit his lip and looked contrite.

‘Apology accepted,’ said d’Artagnan.

He stroked his hands down Aramis’ chest and abdomen caressing his lover's warm skin before slowly popping the buttons on his breeches with one hand as he ghosted his other hand over Aramis’ groin. His lover was again trying not to moan with pleasure, but his breathing was faster.

With the breeches undone d’Artagnan shifted to lie next to Aramis, kissing him again. Aramis turned on his side as they kissed. D’Artagnan deftly pulled the ties on Aramis’ underclothes loose and slipped his hand in. Aramis could not help himself as d’Artagnan moved his hand on his hard cock. Aramis hummed in satisfaction as they continued kissing.

D’Artagnan broke off the kiss and moved off the bed. His lover looked confused for a moment before d’Artagnan started to tug Aramis’ undone breeches and underclothes off. Aramis sat up slightly to help him. Once naked Aramis lay back, propped up slightly on his elbows and looked at d’Artagnan.

D’Artagnan realised he had stopped moving. The hesitation the first he had experienced since he kissed Aramis when they had arrived in the room. There had been no flash of memory, just a moment of worry, which had brought the horror of what had happened back to him. 

Aramis was watching him carefully. 

‘Whatever you want to do,’ he said. ‘This is for you. We can just go to sleep if you want…’

‘Thank you,’ said d’Artagnan after a few seconds, ‘but I want to carry on...perhaps you could return the favour now.’

D’Artagnan pulled slightly at his shirt. Aramis smiled with a nod, he scrambled off the bed and slipped his arms around him holding him tightly for a few seconds. D’Artagnan welcomed the contact, he was confident he could take it. He needed the touch. 

Aramis slid his fingers into the back of d’Artagnan’s breeches running them around to the front before undoing the buttons. D’Artagnan barely noticed what his lover was doing as Aramis was busy kissing him passionately. It was not until his lover had both hands on his cock that he was distracted from the kiss. He gasped, Aramis smiled as he switched to kissing and nuzzling d’Artagnan’s neck. He worked d’Artagnan’s cock for a few seconds before going back to pushing his breeches and underclothes down his legs. As he pushed them down he followed until he was kneeling in front of d’Artagnan. 

D’Artagnan blinked a few times as Aramis’ wandering hands pushed up under his shirt and stroked gently over his skin, across his back and down over his arse before pausing at his thighs. 

Without realising it, d’Artagnan’s breathing had sped up. He was blinking, struggling to control himself. It was a few seconds before he realised Aramis was stood up again, his hands firmly on his shoulders holding him steady. 

‘It’s alright, just breath.’

D’Artagnan had been looking at the wall behind Aramis. He managed to focus on his lover.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I just don’t think I want you to do...that.’

D’Artagnan made a vague gesture towards his now limp cock. As Aramis had been about to take d’Artagnan and deal with his needs the flashes of memory had returned. All he could see for a few seconds was his cock pushing into his restrained lover. 

‘We can stop, it’s too much for you,’ said Aramis with obvious concern. ‘I’ve gone too far again.’

D’Artagnan managed a smile, ‘no, you haven’t. I just don’t think I can have sex with you.’

He paused. The look of total shock and sorrow on Aramis’ face was heartbreaking. He realised what he had implied.

‘No, no, no,’ he said quickly, ‘that came out wrong. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t think I can...at least not yet...it’s still too soon. What I did to you, it’s still too vivid in my mind.’

Aramis still looked worried, his eyes wet with tears. D’Artagnan reached up and cupped his hand around Aramis cheek.

‘I want you to have sex with me.’

Aramis stared at him for a few seconds as he thought about what d’Artagnan had said. D’Artagnan waited patiently for a few seconds before speaking again.

‘Today?’ he said with mock sarcasm, realising it might help if he lightened the mood slightly.

Blinking a few times, Aramis managed a slightly nervous smile. D’Artagnan always found it endearing when his lover was slightly vulnerable, particularly when he was able to gather the man up in a tight embrace. 

Which he did.

‘Sorry,’ said Aramis, ‘I should have thought it through.’

‘Stop apologising and find the oil,’ ordered d’Artagnan as he pushed his lover to arms length.

He watched Aramis walk across the large room to their saddlebags and start to hunt for the bottle of oil he always carried with him. D’Artagnan pulled off his shirt, he felt his cock begin to harden again. He smiled. The moment of worry and indecision between them could have killed the mood completely, but instead, it seemed to have helped them both to understand what their boundaries were. D’Artagnan hoped it would only be a temporary stop on their usual activities. He had always enjoyed fucking his lover, and knew Aramis enjoyed it as well, but he could not contemplate it after what he had been forced to do. 

Aramis understood, despite obviously feeling at fault for not working out the problem sooner. But d’Artagnan knew he had not thought it through himself. Had not realised that by removing that aspect of their own sexual relationship they could still enjoy each others company. There were plenty of things they could still get up to, d’Artagnan thought with a smile as Aramis returned to the bed.

His lover was busy pouring the oil on his fingers as d’Artagnan stretched out beside him enjoying the softness and elegance of the large bed.

‘I could get used to this,’ he said as he watched his lover shifting to a better position.

‘I’m not stealing a four-poster bed from the palace,’ Aramis muttered, ‘the couch was hard enough work getting up the stairs and that’s about a third of the size of this.’

Aramis managed a wink as he pushed d’Artagnan’s legs apart and eased his finger into him.

D’Artagnan watched his lover work, Aramis was gentle and slow with his movements. He kept a close eye on d’Artagnan, looking for any signs of distress. D’Artagnan felt the safest he had with his lover since before the attack. He felt relaxed and for once was not fearing any horrific memories to assault his mind. 

He hummed with pleasure, closing his eyes as Aramis hooked his fingers. D’Artagnan found himself pushing forward, wanting more contact from his lover, but Aramis denied him, by pulling his fingers out. Aramis used a little more oil on his fingers and worked his already hard cock for a few seconds. 

D’Artagnan decided he was going to dictate their positions and pushed himself up to sit grabbing a slightly surprised Aramis and pushing him over onto his back and straddling him. D'Artagnan leaned forward kissed him, before easing his lovers hard cock into him. Aramis had clearly recovered from his worries as he leaned his head back and moaned with pleasure as d’Artagnan set the pace. 

Once he was settled with a rhythm d’Artagnan clutched Aramis’ hand and brought it to his own cock. Aramis did not need telling what to do, he set to work on his lover straight away. Their movements were not fast, d’Artagnan did not want a quick fuck, this was not to be a fast fumble when they had limited time. They could draw out the pleasure.

He leaned forward over Aramis and managed to kiss him. Aramis was too distracted to manage to kiss him back. D’Artagnan was pleased, he wanted Aramis, who had been so worried about him, to enjoy himself. He wanted his lover to be pleased, he wanted to please Aramis, that pleasing made d’Artagnan happy.

They came within seconds of one another. Aramis moaned with pleasure, his back arched, his eyes shut. D’Artagnan smiled. Despite the sedate pace of their activity both men were breathing hard. D’Artagnan moved to lie beside his lover, his arm stretched across his chest. Aramis pulled him closer to kiss him, a breathless kiss, but nonetheless passionate. 

‘Thank you,’ said d’Artagnan quietly.

Aramis smiled, ‘I think we made some progress.’

MMMM

D’Artagnan was about to move off the bed to grab a cloth but Aramis stopped him.

‘Oh no,’ he said, ‘let me, you’ve done enough work.’

Aramis found a washcloth with the water and after dampening it and cleaning himself up, did the same for his lover. D’Artagnan looked relaxed with an expression of contentment. As Aramis climbed back onto the bed he pushed the sheets and blankets down so that they could get themselves comfortable underneath the expensive fabrics. The night was still warm, but Aramis knew it would cool down and he did not want to wake up cold. He wanted to be able to sleep with his lover undisturbed. 

D’Artagnan shuffled over to him and obviously wanted to remain close. Aramis wrapped his arms around his lover but made sure he did not trap d'Artagnan. If he needed to move away from him, Aramis did not want d’Artagnan to feel restrained in any way. The young man settled quickly, it was obvious their lovemaking had tired him out, he had been slightly tense throughout, Aramis knew he had been as well. 

He had enjoyed the sex but there had still been the slight chance that d’Artagnan would struggle at some point. His moments of hesitation had been worrisome for Aramis and when d’Artagnan had said he did not want sex he had wanted to die. Aramis had honestly thought that d’Artagnan was ending their relationship, that it had all become too much for him. When d’Artagnan had explained what he meant Aramis had almost broken down with relief. 

The thought of losing his lover had filled him with dread. But what they had just achieved felt like a new lease of life for them. It felt as though they were starting again. If they did not do all that they had done before Aramis would not mind, just knowing that he still had d’Artagnan as his lover was enough for him. And there were plenty of ways they could amuse themselves, Aramis found himself smiling at the thought.

He realised d’Artagnan was looking at him, he felt himself redden with embarrassment. He was not just smiling, he was grinning broadly.

‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I was just thinking how happy I was.’

D’Artagnan chuckled, ‘I’m glad I could entertain you.’

‘You know what I mean. I’m so proud of you.’

‘We had sex,’ said d’Artagnan, ‘it’s not unusual.’

Aramis sobered slightly, ‘but it was the first time since...and I was starting to think it might never happen. And that we would drift apart...and that-’

For the second time that evening Aramis found himself being silenced with a kiss. D’Artagnan kissed him deeply for a few seconds. Aramis reciprocated.

‘I will try to have sex with you, at some point. I will not rush into it, so you don’t need to keep telling me that you’ll wait, I know you will.’

Aramis considered himself told. 

‘Perhaps in a few days...on the way back. No promises.’

‘No promises,’ repeated Aramis.

Aramis smiled again. He suspected his lover would not be ready to try anything further for a little longer than a few days, and he was determined not to put any pressure on him. What they had achieved on their two-fold mission was more than enough to make him know that their relationship was strong. They both still had some healing and recovery to do after the horrors of the assault. 

But as long as his lover was there, Aramis would be content. He could wait for the rest. 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comments and inspiration.
> 
> I have a plan forming for the next part...and a part after that as well, where their intimacy issues will be addressed. 
> 
> It's never going to end at this rate, I'll take them up to retiring - they can move into an old peoples home and make merry hell there (I'll invent a 17th century retirement home).


End file.
